When my son Zachary was just four years old he began to experience night terrors. Night terrors are different than nightmares in that the child cannot be woken up. Their eyes are wide open, they have a look of fear and panic in their faces, and are usually letting out blood curdling screams. They can last 5-30 minutes and afterwards the child returns to a normal sleep-not remembering anything about the night terror when they wake up in the morning. Any parent that has experienced this knows how distressful and alarming the whole experience can be.
Since Zachary was inconsolable during the ordeals and did not recognize me, the first couple of times all I did was hold him and reassure him that everything was okay until he eventually fell back to sleep.
But the third time was different. When it started I flew out of bed (like always) when I heard his screams. I held him in my arms and decided I'd try listening to what he was saying. It was hard though-he was crying and mumbling, and I could hardly make out what he saying. So I asked him. "What do you see Zachary? What's in front of you?" Eventually I heard it. He was scared about something very big in front of him that was threatening him and it wouldn't go away. I told him, "Tell what's ever in front of you to go away." But he shook his head and mumbled, "No, no, too much, too much."
Now, Zachary and his twin brother Dominic loved playing with swords and shields at that age. One of their favorite pastimes was pretending Zachary was the king and Dominic was the knight who protected the king. So, I decided to use his love of swords and I told him, "You have a powerful sword in your hand Zach, now you make that thing go away and never come back." In a matter of seconds he was sound a sleep in my arms and that was the last night terror he ever had.
In the years that followed, I realized there was a lot more to that experience than just empowering my son to recognize his own strength during a night terror. I realized that whole experience was showing me whether you're awake or asleep fear is an illusion and it comes from believing our thoughts are true.
For example, after my husband's suicide I believed my life was over and that I would never know happiness again. Those thoughts created horrible feeling of fear and hopelessness that literally crippled me emotionally. I was hardly able to function like a normal person.
It wasn't until I learned how to question my thoughts that I realized my beliefs of shame and blame weren't true. The truth was, he suffered from severe depression and he took his life. That's it! It had nothing to do with me. It was his deal, his story, and any other drama or emotion that I want to add on to that-well that's my deal, and my story. And yes, grieving his loss would be okay and healthy. But believing my life was over or that I would never know happiness again, was not okay-nor was it true. This realization was my sword of truth scaring away the monsters that existed in my mind.
We can all scare away the monsters in our minds by learning ways to question our thoughts-and there are many teachers and books out there that can teach us how to cut through our own fears, and illusions to find the peace we seek.
So grab your swords-I dare you!
