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One act of kindness
Welcome to the conclusion of my Surviving Generation Stress series. In Part 1 of this series I introduced the concept of Generation Stress and explained the life changing benefits of practicing 5 Minutes of Mindful Breathing every day. In Part 2 we added the practice, 4 Roses, that helps us bring a more positive focus to our day-to-day lives. In Part 3 we added the profound practice of Gratitude and discussed simple ways to practice as a family. We conclude our series with 2 Acts of Engagement and below, the final step, 1 Act of Kindness.
Often we think of acts of kindness as something we do for others. While the world around us certainly benefits when we perform an act of kindness, it appears that these acts benefit ourselves as much, if not more, than those we have helped. Studies show that performing one act of kindness a day over just 10 days can measurably increase your happiness. In other words, kindness is a sustainable source of happiness.
Witnessing acts of kindness can be a source of what Abraham Maslow referred to as ‘peak experiences’ - those rare moments of awe, elation, a sense of expansion in the heart, a sense of connection with others which leave us feeling grateful to be alive.
Watch this short video to get a sense of how simply witnessing an act of kindness can bring this feeling to life.
An act of kindness doesn’t have to be extravagant to be meaningful. The key is to bring mindful intention to these simple daily acts. You can hold a door for someone, let someone who appears rushed go ahead of you in line, write a kind note to a friend in need. These acts of kindness benefit you as much as they benefit the person you have helped.
When we share these acts with others we further engrave the benefits into the neural structure of our brains. I have found that an excellent way to do this is through a simple game that I play with my family at dinnertime. The game is called Rose, Bud, Thorn and it is an excellent tool to reinforce several of the skills that I have introduced in the 5-4-3-2-1 series. Here’s how it works! At dinner everyone around the table takes a turn explaining their Rose, their Bud and their Thorn.
Your Rose is something good that you experience over the course of the day. Paying attention to the ROSEs in our day strengthens the neural connections in the prefrontal cortex and brings a more positive focus to our day-to-day lives. Remember, a Rose doesn’t have to be a grand experience, good things happen all around us, but much of the time we don’t notice them -- the moon is full, your dinner smells yummy, your child holds your hand. Unless we bring conscious awareness to good experiences, they bounce right off of us. We have to hold our attention on them for several seconds, or a few deep breaths to make them stick. When we share these experiences with our family at dinner, we further engrave the experience into the neural structure of our brain.
Your Thorn is a mistake that you learned from today. When kids have the perception that they need to be perfect it triggers a lot of stress in the brain, and they don’t want to take risks. They believe that it is better not to try, than to try and fail. It is critical for kids to realize that adults make mistakes too, that mistakes are a part of life and can lead to growth – Thorn reinforces that we all can learn from the mistakes that we make.
Your Bud is an act of kindness that you witnessed or initiated. Try to engage in one act of kindness everyday - again these don’t have to be grand gestures. When kids know these acts will be discussed at dinner, they will look for opportunities for kindness throughout the day and you’ll be amazed and inspired by the things they will share. I call this part the Bud because of the networks of neural connections that begin to bloom in the part of our brain that processes positive emotions when we repeatedly participate in an act of kindness.
For tons of great ideas on how to integrate kindness into your life and your children’s visit Randomactsofkindness.org.
