- Calling it a "gender reveal party" is a misnomer. Gender is a socially constructed category that is culturally specific and based on a set of behaviors that are developed through relationships in an ongoing way that includes how one presents oneself and interacts with others. Gender cannot be "revealed" in the womb. Gender will be revealed over time as a child makes choices and develops language to express themselves and how they want to be treated. A more appropriate term would be a "genital reveal party."
- The importance our culture places on learning the genitals of a child prior to its birth is disconcerting and limiting on the families and child's own expression and creativity. The first question many people ask of pregnant parents are, "Do you know the sex?" or "Is it a boy or a girl?" as if that is the most important thing to know about the future child. Other questions that might be more supportive include, "Are you sleeping?" "Are you eating well?" "Do you need help when the baby is born?" "Are you feeling ready for the arrival?" A family in Canada were the center of a media storm when a newspaper profiled them and explained their decision to keep the genitals of their child, (ironically the child was named Storm), a private matter. The absolute horror and international scrutiny that followed is indicative of how much weight we place on knowing someone's genitals, or what some people think is the "true sex" of a person.
- What a person's genitals look like is a private matter and is only important information to that person's medical provider and future lovers. Psychologist Suzanne Kessler eloquently stated in her book Lessons from the Intersexed, "In the everyday world gender attributions are made without access to genital inspection… What has primacy in everyday life is the gneder that is performed, regardless of the flesh's configuration under the clothes." Meaning, we don't ask people to verify their gender by pulling down their pants when we meet them. We treat them based on how they present themselves in dress, mannerisms, body language, speech patterns, etc.—the social expressions of their identity.
- Confusing sex, gender, gender identity, and sexual orientation reduces the diversity of human experience and leads to a lot of unnecessary misogyny, transphobia, and homophobia.
Is anatomy destiny? Freud famously stated that, "anatomy is destiny," arguing that one's genitals were the most important factor in determining one's personality traits. However, more contemporary gender theorists such as Anne Fausto-Sterling and Judith Butler have argued that gender is a social construction, and so is sex. In her book, Sexing the Body, Fausto-Sterling clearly provides evidence of how the medical institution has repeatedly "treated" otherwise healthy bodies because a child's genitals were not immediately recognizable as a penis or a vagina. There is more variety and diversity in animal biology than our legally recognized two-sex system recognizes. Approximately 2.7% of all babies born have some natural variation in their body that does not clearly place them as male or female. These bodies are designated as having a "disorder of sex development" or DSD and many of these individuals come to identify as intersex while embracing a gender identity that could be: man, woman, androgynous, or other term that best represents them. I wrote more about this phenomenon in an earlier blog post here.