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There is a lot of talk about Bromances these days. The urban dictionary definition of a bromance is described as "complicated love and affection shared by two straight males." But what if the two men decide to have sex. Does that make them gay or bisexual? Read More
Ive never heard of this
Ive never heard of this before. Its hard for me to beleive that a heterosexual male will have sex with another male, and not be homosexual, or bi-sexual. I think that these males are indeed homosexual, and are just not ready to "come out".
Never heard of It? Go to Craigslist M4M Sectiom
There are a lot of "men seeking men" postings that are posted on Craigslist by men who admit that they are married. It is sad but true and I pray that their wives find out about this before any of them are given any type of diseases. Not that you won't get it if they are just cheating around with other women, it's just that I think married men who are on the DL (down low) makes cheating even worse because it's a double deception.
married men wanting another man
As a married man who has struggled with this issue of homosexual desires, it has been rough doing the right thing. And Oh may I add, I am a christian man which adds fuel to the fire. I understand every aspect of all that a man may say for or against this whole situation. Is it right to endanger your wife, I say no. Is it right to lust after another man, I say no. But just because I say no doesnt make the situation go away. I have found that in my marriage, communication is so strained that it is difficult to tell my wife I want her. Thereby, I find it easy to tell a guy I want him. I know I need to make up my mind and decide because its not right to be with a woman and not make love to her. I go through the suicide mode on a daily basis but have not done it. As a man, i am suppose to be the aggressor but I find myself being the aggressor for another man. It makes me sad but the fact still remains what my desire is. As a christian, I know what I should do, as a human being I feel what I feel and I need to figure out how to not feel this way.
While I was doing my own
While I was doing my own post, I couldn't help but be disturbed by reading yours, especially the part about suicide. Please, if nothing else, seek help on this issue.
I think, despite your heterosexual marriage, that if you are truly honest with yourself, you'll admit that you are homosexual. I hate to say this, but you need to admit it to your wife. This will result in one of two courses of action, either divorce or acceptance and a continuation of the marriage with your wife knowing that you will be going off with another man on occasion. You say you are Christian. Have you thought about talking to your pastor/priest about your situation?
I wouldn't immediately make
I wouldn't immediately make judgments about whether or not someone is a homosexual, and, like Joe writes, a series of questions need to be asked before concluding someone is homosexual but in denial about it. I also don't believe telling someone who they are and/or what they should do is that helpful. But it does seem to me that, at the very least, if you have a partner whom you don't feel comfortable communicating your desires to, then maybe you're married to the wrong person or you and that person need to be in marriage counseling. Of course, I don't know the details of what the marriage is like, so there's no saying for sure on my end. But everyone should be able to communicate with their partner--it's vital.
As for the comment about not believing men have sex with other men--I'm glad Joe broke down the difference between sexual fantasies, sexual behavior, etc, because explaining sexual behavior answered a question I had, i.e. "What do you mean by 'sex'?" I can certainly see a lot of men, married or not, doing sexual things with other men such as oral sex and masturbating each other--things some people do not define as "sex" but IS sexual behavior. And anal sex with men makes some sense, too, because a lot of men either feel uncomfortable asking their female partner for it or already know she is dead-set against it when he is too excited by it to just accept that response from her and not pursue his desire. The average person is aware that there are certainly some men who go for it, i.e. some gay men, so seeking out a gay male is easier than cheating with another woman in some sense.
I understand completely since
I understand completely since I too have the same thoughts.
Bromance
Hurray for a term that accurately describes my relationships with two other men. Let me discribe one of these bromances. First of all, let me state that both of us are happily married straight men who have never had sex with each other. I met my friend some 36 years ago when we were both single. Our meeting was purely by chance, but we hit it off immediately and I couldn't see enough of him. I was 26 and he was 18. After one of our first dinner "dates" we sat in his car and talked for a while. It was amazing how we just opened up to each other about some very personal issues, especially about girls we were dating. In each case we were having issues in those relationships. I remember my friend started to cry (He's always been an emotional person) and I REALLY felt for him. I took his hand while we talked and eventually I put my arm around his shoulder, assuring him that no matter what happened I would always be there for him. Without even thinking about it we leaned into each other and kissed on the lips. Surprisingly neither one of us felt strange about what we had done. Exchanging a non sexual kiss on the lips became the norm when greeting and departing from each other's company from then on. My friend moved many miles away several years ago, but we call each other often and still feel the same affection we did years ago. I think it is fair to say that we are in love.
Bromance
Straight men can and do have sex with other men. I am separated from a long-term wife. If I have a girlfriend I only want her (and her girlfriend maybe. At the moment I don't have a girlfriend and not enough money to see female prostitutes, so I visit adult bookstores on occasion and let a guy blow me. I watch the porn and really just fantasize that I am having sex with a woman. Guess it's more like prison sex. I know for a fact I would rather have a woman but choose the sexual release.
Bromance
I know exactly what you are talking about. Several months ago my wife and I decided to move back to our home state to be with her kids, one of which had just gotten pregnant. I stayed behind though because of certain issues that I had take care of before I moved across the country. We talked every day and even shared pictures and had webcam sex, but it really didn't satisfy me. I couldn't have sex with another woman because I would feel incredible guilt, but then I started noticing more about men when I would watch porn. I talked to her about it and she told me it was fine to experiment. Soon though I was beginning to enjoy it more than I thought I would, especially because she would masturbate when I told her what happened. Because I coulnd't have a woman I was wanting sex with a man all the time. I ended up spending almost two months apart from her and during that time I had sex daily with different men every time. Like yourself, I would picture myself having sex with a tight woman and being sucked on by a woman. But then I started letting other men fuck me instead of just me just doing it. After I got back to her I found myself completely not wanting a man at all. I wondered why so we went to a counselor just to ask and found it might have simply been a sexual addiction for a short time due to the lack of a woman being next to me after having her there every night for almost 9 years. I don't have any regrets, except for the fact that I risked receiving STDs in a big way, but it is a strange time to look back on.
mm sex desire
i understand your situation in having sex with men. i've been in a similar situation. for a period of a few years i did not have a girlfriend. during that time i also was becoming more interested in casual sex with men. like you i had some "risky" encounters. i would feel guilty later but thourghly enjoyed the sexual release.
i think it's wonderfull that your wife embraced the situation. my wife accepts my feelings about mm sex and wants to see me in action but we haven't had the opportunity yet. i feel blessed to have her. i don't feel guilt anymore but i do take a lot more care about who i might get involved with. i miss those spontanious encounters from my past. would like to have that kind of convenience again.
human beings are as varied in their sexual behaviour as they are in career choice. maybe even more so.
Bromance vs Homosexuality
Outside of enforced single sex environments (prison, remote military bases, religious orders, etc), homosexual sex is the most basic indication of homosexuality or bisexuality. The thing that you have least control of in your body is your autonomic reactions. Sexual arousal is one of those autonomic reactions. People can (and most men do) deceive themselves by saying they are straight, but if you desire and seek out sex with men, you are homo/bisexual... period. If you have relationship with a female where you engage in sex, but also seek out sex with men, then you desire sex with men and therefore homo/bisexual. I agree for the most part that there is sexual identify, sexual orientation, etc, but you can't fool mother nature... if you desire and seek out same sex relations, then you are bi/homosexual whether you want to admit it or not.
I know it's not fashionable to refer to Kinsey's studies, but I think that they are still valid today (within a few percentage points). Given the numbers of people who are sexual with men in the Kinsey Studies vs. those that admit it are just an indication of men's capacity for self-delusion in the face of pervasive homophobia and prejudice.
EastsideJim
Sex with straight men
I am gay and I have had sex with men who claim to be straight, some married. These men dominate, get off and are out the door without reciprication. They just want sex and it's easier & cheaper to pick up gay men than women, especially when the night is late. Being a gay man, sex with straight men is not enjoyable and I tell myself never again, but then I do it again.
Sexual Orientation is an invalid, anti-man western system
The Western concept of 'sexual orientation' and 'homosexuality' and 'heterosexual' are all bogus, invalid concepts.
The fact is that ALL MEN HAVE A NEED FOR INTIMACY WITH MEN which includes sexual and emotional/ affectional (even romantic if society allows) intimacy. This is regardless of whether they like women or not.
Only effeminate and trasngendered males in nature are anywhere near exclusive heterosexuality.
In nature, sexual intimacy with men and women have different purposes. And sexual intimacy with males is crucial for survival in the case of mammals, while sex with women is limited mostly for reproduction.
There are only two kinds of males in this world. Those with a male inner identity (masculine males) and those with a female inner identity (feminine inner identity or 'third gender'). The homo-hetero division is totally unnatural, anti-man and oppressive.
The masculine gendered males are called 'men' in every non-western society, while the feminine gendered males are known as the 'third gender'. However, politics of manhood for a few thousand years have defined these genders in terms of whether they penetrate during sex or are penetrated. But none of the societies ever defined these two male genders in terms of whether they like men or women.
The so called 'homophobia' is western males is totally a artificially engineered. I think its high time western straight males took the initiative and dismantle the entire system of apartheid based on 'sexual orientation', so that all western males can once again partake in affection and intimacy with each other.
The queers or gays will still be different from straight men. But while Queers will be defined for their real difference -- their feminine gender irrespective of whether they like men or women ... straight males too would be defined as 'masculine males' whether they have relationship with women, men or both.
http://www.flickr.com/groups/984758@N21/
http://www.flickr.com/groups/938316@N25/
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Sex with straight men
Submitted by Anonymous on June 14, 2009 - 11:08pm.
I am gay and I have had sex with men who claim to be straight, some married. These men dominate, get off and are out the door without reciprication. They just want sex and it's easier & cheaper to pick up gay men than women, especially when the night is late. Being a gay man, sex with straight men is not enjoyable and I tell myself never again, but then I do it again.
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I believe this post to be true and accepting that it is true then the "heterosexuals" are not gay but deceptive and immoral. That is a way to look at it Anonymous so that you don't keep going back. If you do then you are just as deceptive and immoral as them.
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