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Most people don't realize that the coming out process has predictable, observable stages. Once you become familiar with the stages, you can know which one the lesbian or gay person is in-and what they can anticipate. Read More
This was really interesting
This was really interesting to read. Thank you for posting it.
Interesting
This was really interesting to read. However, based on the predominant views of those gays and lesbians I have interviewed (so far only 60 participants), for a book I'm considering publishing, I would say that the anger/pride thing continues, whatever the age. I ask them thirty questions concerning sexuality, politics and religion. One of the things they all have in common is a strong desire to see their input in print.
I agree
I have basically seen this same thing. Most gays and lesbians I've met are in "stage" 5 and never "progress." I use quotation marks because, as suggested in the piece even, I don't believe these stages are supposed to be linear nor that a GLBT person is supposed to reach all of these.
Personally, I have a problem with the suggestion that people in stage 3 harbor internal homophobia. I don't doubt that some gays and lesbians take a few negative experiences and overgeneralize or use them as excuses to alienate themselves from the GLBT community. But I know, for me, as someone who is black but not "black enough" for most blacks, a female who has never been feminine enough to fit in with heterosexual women but also not stereotypical enough to be readily identifiable as a lesbian, not a stage 5 sort of lesbian (which, my experience has been that most GLBTs, regardless of where you meet them, don't really embrace you if you're not), has always related more to older individuals than people of her own age group, etc...and also being nearly 30 years old, I am at a point where I'm tired of feeling the need to "fit in" with various communities and know that has never worked for me.
I have luckily managed to assemble some very good friends, most of whom are not G, L, B or T...and I spent time trying to explore the GLBT community, not really feeling accepted before realizing that I already have a great support system and friends who DO accept me...why am I trying to find friends who are specifically G, L, B or T? I am not opposed to finding like-minded GLBT individuals--in fact, I would welcome it whole-heartedly. I support gay rights, and I am interested in all social issues, not just GLBT rights (I wouldn't be on Psychology Today reading GLBT pieces otherwise, haha). But I also don't particularly feel the need to actively seek GLBT individuals out just as I don't feel the need to actively seek out people who are black or people who are female. I am grateful for and accept good friendship wherever I can get it, because it's too hard to find for ANYONE. Because of this, I probably jumped from stage 3 to stage 6 or am possibly a mix.
Great post. I wish I had
Great post. I wish I had read something like this years ago. I'm straight but have several gay friends who are dear to me, and recognized these stages. It was especially confusing to watch (and not know how to support, what to say) when a friend would go back and forth between the stages. Even while I would admit that I couldn't truly relate to the coming out experience, I was indeed operating under the assumption that the process would be more predictably linear. Thanks for explaining this.
Really interesting stuff.
Really interesting stuff.
At the risk of being repetitive, it was also interesting to see that bisexuality was only mentioned 3 times, and only once with reference to identity - the other 2 times referred to behaviour. It's OK to include us in this kind of research and writing - I promise that orientation's not catching, though inclusiveness is :)
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