Have you considered that when male relationships which begin sexually develop into friendships the sexual excitement diminishes because they lack the complementarity that continues in male/female marriages?

Yes, because male/female relationships never sexually run out of steam, do they, Dalemoleary?

"Some say that relationships are hard enough so why add another element like non-monogamy."

Maybe because part of the reason relationships are hard is the expectation of monogamy? Opening a relationship up can solve problems that are destroying a relationship. Yes, it also creates problems, but this isn't a choice between "difficult relationship" and "even more difficult relationship", it's a choice between one set of problems or another.

For me this issue is a totally scary one. I would like a truly monogamous relationship, as I like to feel the security of having both the emotional and sexual fidelity from someone, and I will return it if I get it, but I just don't believe it will happen. There is too much temptation out there and when the sexual pressure mounts then there are myriad ways of dealing with it.
I would like to think that there are other ways of trying to keep the sex life exciting, without going down the other man route, and partners try these first.
For me, the idea of even a lover having lovers or a potential lover talking about his past (especially if I like him) sends me into a very destructive spiral of jealousy to the point where I may not want to see them again for a while. I have not been an angel myself, but it is nonetheless how I always feel.
I think the comment about having the emotional attachment and if there is straying going on then only on the sexual grounds is very sensible. There is a sexual pressure that builds up and I guess some people want to use that to have fun. Whether it is necessary to do that outside of the relationship I don't know. But it seems to be the way. I admire those couples that can do that, it seems to conform to nature, and I would like think it would work for me, but I would never be able to survive it!

I came across this article while researching the topic of marriage in my philosophy class. I must admit that it is depressing, and embarrassing (because I'm gay) to share the idea that "75% of gay male couples are in successful open relationship". I dreaded sharing this with the class. How can this be a good thing? How can this be healthy, respectable and ok? We're wanting respect, equal rights and the option to marry but then there is this glaring, and shocking, research into gay relationships that does not help at all. I personally think it is a copout, laziness, nihilism and a sort of relationship anarchy. We are letting society define us as promiscuous and morally depraved. We are giving into the idea that since we live outside of the 'rules' the 'rules' do not apply and we can do whatever we want, who cares what the consequences are. What is the point of having a committed relationship under these circumstances? How is it even a relationship other than a close friendship? I don't know. It's frustrating. I truly do not think that a strong, long-lasting relationship can be built on hedonistic license.

Great story as for me. I'd like to read a bit more about that topic.

It's interesting that there are alot of gay men who are out there dealing with very similiar issues. As a gay man myself I constantly struggle with the same melee of becoming a promiscuous inidividual and in a way saying "f" the hope and desire for monogamy and relationships while fighting within myself because I don't feel that I should have to give up on my dreams and faith to find that one person who honestly wants the same thing that I want.

It is definitely a struggle especially for me being a 23 year old trying to find someone remotely close to my age with the same mentality but living in this world of I want to "f" everything that I can and have the adolescent gay teenager thought mentality for the rest of my life. It's hard because I am lost, stuck between a rock and a hrad place where I can feel my heart growing cold because of the fear of never finding something that is serious in which I won't have to downgrade and just be content with the fact that we are men so just accept the fact that we're hot, promiscuous, and young. It's frustrating and disheartening but I am here in between the two and honestly... I'm lost! Is a battle of living up to what society expects of us or is it just trying to live up to your own personal value systems and beliefs... is there room for a values system in the gay community or are we forcing ourselves to just mold into what the "heterosexual" norm is. I'd like to think that there is room for a values system and I know that there is because I have one, but because of that, does that mean I have to be single for the rest of my life or do I have to lower my standards and just accept that "monogamy" is not an option? STRUGGLE...