Gay and Lesbian Well-Being

Covering issues vital to the psychological health and happiness of gays, lesbians, and their families.

by Michael C. LaSala, Ph.D.

Religion and Acceptance of Gays

Considering that the Catholic Church, conservative Jews and many fundamentalist Christians have been the most outspoken opponents of gay rights, it is perhaps not surprising that LGB people and their families identify religion as a major obstacle in accepting homosexuality, in either themselves or a family member Read More

Brothers and Sisters of Gays and Lesbians

It seems that siblings may share in the stigma of their gay brothers and lesbian sisters whereby they may have to cope with taunts from peers, which include accusations that they too are gay Read More

Gay Men and Their Mothers: Is There a Special Closeness?

Perhaps it is not surprising that mothers and their gay sons often describe their relationships as close. Compared to fathers, mothers typically have an advantage whereby they usually interact more with their children. However, being gay might be a factor that makes some mothers and sons even closer. Read More

Gay Couples Therapy: A Way to Avoid Same-Sex Divorce

Some of you might be wondering, “My partner is selfish, mean, stubborn, nagging, needy, distant narcissistic, smelly, snores, sucks her teeth (check all that apply) and my relationship is in trouble. Am I on the road to becoming a gay divorceé?” Read More

Making Gay People Straight: Is it Possible to Pray/Counsel the Gay Away?

As someone who professes to help gays and lesbians become heterosexual, Marcus Bachmann is unfortunately not alone. There are licensed mental health professionals who practice what are called reparative or conversion therapies designed to make gay people heterosexual despite the evidence that such treatment is not only ineffective but damaging. Read More

Same-Sex Marriage: A Queer Critique

The argument for gay marriage is indeed appealing because legally recognized same-sex marriage would provide gays and lesbians a shortcut to its legal and social benefits. However, there is simply not enough critical questioning of why such privileges are bestowed on marriage. Read More

Problem with Sissy Boys? Get over it!

Lately, there has been quite a focus in the media on accepting cross-gendered behavior in boys. As a therapist, a gay man and former (and, at times current) sissy boy myself, I applaud this small but hopefully growing trend. Read More

Sexual Orientation: Is It Unchangeable?

I have found that one of the things that helps parents come to terms with their children’s sexual orientation is the idea that being gay or lesbian is innate. This is how they’re born and that’s that!. I am happy this idea comforts parents, but is it true? Read More

What to do when your child says: "I'm gay!"

Your child has just come out to you as gay, lesbian, bisexual, or trangender...What should you do? Well, first, take a deep breath.. (Good advice when first confronting any difficult situation, right?) Read More

Should You Come Out to Your Parents?

Now more than ever, gays and lesbians are coming out to their parents-and they're doing it quite young. This is a good thing-a sign of progress-and it should be applauded. However, despite all of the potential benefits, sometimes telling Mom and Dad might not be such a good idea. Read More

Is Sexual Fidelity Possible…or Even Necessary?

In our society, sexual monogamy in a marriage or committed relationship is considered sine qua non and is therefore rarely questioned. But maybe now it is time for us to reconsider the supposedly irrefutable connection between love, commitment, and sexual exclusivity.

If you thought it might be hard for a parent to hear that a child is gay or lesbian, imagine what it must be like to hear that your son feels he was born into the wrong body and is really a woman or that your daughter is certain she was meant to be a man.

Gay rights activists seek tolerance and social justice for gay and lesbian people. However, what would it be like if, as a society, we went beyond tolerance and fairness and actually recognized and prized the contributions of gay people?

Adolescents and young adults, particularly males, are notorious risk-takers-so, it is no wonder that parents are terrified as they launch a gay young son into the world knowing he is exploring sexual relationships among a pool of people in which a sizeable proportion are believed to carry a dangerous, sexually transmitted virus. Read More

Gay Kids: Please Don't Commit Suicide!

Because I work at Rutgers, and because I am gay and a psychotherapist, it is perhaps understandable that Tyler Clementi has been on my mind all semester. At times I indulge in rescue fantasies and consider what I would say to Tyler if he had been my client and we were lucky enough to have the opportunity to change the course of what happened on that fall day. Read More

Anti-Gay Bullying and Suicide: Clergy, Politicians, Parents, and the Blood on Your Hands

If churches, elected officials, and judges publically announce that homosexuality destroys the family and violates the law of God, is it a stretch that some will interpret these messages as evidence that gay men, lesbians, transgender and bisexual persons are subhuman and therefore justifiable targets of violence? Read More

African American Gay Youth and Their Parents: Coping with Double Stigma

A documented strength of African American families is their close kinship ties that provide safe harbor from the racist seas of the dominant culture. Loving, strong families can buffer the impacts of oppression on its members. So for gay and lesbian youth who are black, the thought of losing this vital resource is particularly devastating. Read More

Tyler Clementi: Gay Bashed with the Bricks and Bats of Social Media

I am a professor at Rutgers University where Tyler Clementi was a student. I did not know Tyler, nor do I know the two young people accused of filming his sexual activity and posting it-but what I do know is this act was a gay bashing and the weapons were as powerful and wounding as a baseball bat-perhaps more so.

Fathers in many families are mysterious, distant, intimidating figures-even more so for boys with homosexual attractions. They are the family torchbearers of manliness, and, as males young and old know, homosexuality is considered the dreaded opposite of masculinity. Read More

Ken Mehlman: Hypocrite or Victim or Both?

Last night on the Daily Show, Jon Stewart called Ken Mehlman a hypocrite and no doubt many people, including many gays and lesbians would agree with this assessment of the former Republican National Committee Chair and Bush Campaign Chief. During the Bush reelection campaign, Republicans, led by Mr. Mehlman, fanned the flames of fear, and intolerance toward gays and lesbians. Read More

Parents of Gay Children and Courtesy Stigma

When parents learn they have a gay or lesbian child, they very quickly realize they are now living in a world that stigmatizes not only their children but also themselves. Suddenly, these parents are involuntarily drafted into a club whose members are disparaged. For the 76 parents I interviewed for the book: Coming Out, Coming Home: Helping Families Adjust to a Gay or Lesbian Child, this was their first bitter taste of the injustice of stigma--and it was eye-opening in ways that were painful and frightening. Read More

Professionals Must Recognize and Stop Anti-Gay Bullying

"You shouldn't have to be a hero to make it through adolescence." (Youth advocate quoted in Drifting Toward Love by Kai Wright.) Read More

Coming Out, Coming Home

To begin to tell the story of the 65 gay and lesbian families I interviewed for the book Coming Out, Coming Home: Helping Families Adjust to a Gay or Lesbian Child, it makes the most sense to start at the end--because there is good news about how families can eventually become more open, warmer, and closer after it is learned that a child is gay or lesbian. Read More

Michael C. LaSala, Ph.D., is Director of the MSW program and associate professor at Rutgers, The State University of New Jersey and the author of Coming Out, Coming Home.

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