Fulfillment at Any Age

How to remain productive and healthy into your later years

An Inside Look at Sexual Fantasies

Psychology knows a great deal less about sexual fantasies than we might expect. However, a recent study on the daily fantasies of men and women gives unique insights into this mysterious area of the human mind. You may be surprised to learn that your fantasies say much more about the way you feel about your relationships than simply the way you think about sex. Read More

I'm up on it!

I have not had sex in a few years but I did research how to have a good fantasy during the act. If you do this properly you can have a full body orgasm, and even after she's pushed you off her, (yeah, I'm sensitive enough to let her finish first, always.), you can roll onto your back, close your eyes and in it's own way, it just keeps going. Not easy to do, I think it took a little meditation, practice, and concentration, not sure I'll ever be able to experience it again. The girl I was with, we had been together for like 8 years, with me comfort level is important but lol, I've had quite a few girlfriends bolt because I waited to long to get intimate with them.

I found your comment quite

I found your comment quite interesting as (assuming you are male) this seems to be a rare stance for men in my experience - I am more in line with your approach. If I may ask, have you always been this way? Many guys seem to be unable to delay gratification, if you will - but this is clearly not an issue for you, which is great.

Lack of fantasy

For awhile now I've been bothered by my lack of sexual fantasy. I am not sure whether to attribute this to too much porn watching, or if it is normal for a middle-aged man to not have sexual fantasies anymore. I occasionally think about scenes I've watched in pornography, but I don't consider those fantasy. However, I remember as a teenager in the early eighties, I fantasized quite a lot. These were actually elaborate stories played out in my head that might include sex acts, but were not defined by sex acts. I'd like to discover a way to reinvigorate my sexual imagination, but right now I feel imaginatively dead. Incidentally, I did quit watching porn for a number of months and found it beneficial, but I am reluctant to blame pornography for my failure of imagination.

Secure attachment

I was a bit disappointed that there was no report of secure attachment styles. Though avoidant and insecure attachment is interesting, I am certain that securely attached individuals also have fantasies. What of these?

My thoughts exactly. I

My thoughts exactly. I consider myself securely attached (more or less) and I'd be interested to read what securely attached folks generally fantasize about. As a partnered gay male, who is very much sexually attracted to his mate, I often have tons of different fantasies - varying from very loving and affectionate to quite aggressive and even humiliating. If I went by this research, I would probably classify myself as anxiously attached.

What if you have all of them?

So, what if a person has all types of sexual fantasies? I'm a 38 year old woman who has had every type of fantasy I've ever read about. Romantic, loving, warm, cold, submissive, in control, fun, angry, you name it, I've dreamed it up.

I wonder why this also doesn't report on women's hormonal levels. I've read several such studies (sorry, I'm speaking in casual observation so I have no links to share) that cover the subject, and they have proven that a woman's reproductive cycle has a tremendous impact on fantasy content. I started to pay close attention to the timing of my own and I find those theories to be accurate, at least for me.

"I'm a 38 year old woman who

"I'm a 38 year old woman who has had every type of fantasy I've ever read about. Romantic, loving, warm, cold, submissive, in control, fun, angry, you name it, I've dreamed it up."
Obviously, you have not read much...

Sex Dreams

For about 6 months I have been on Androgel for low testosterone the results have been very good the only problem is I have dreams of my wife sexually with a man we know casually in these dreams she is extremely horny and is doing everthing from oral to doggy style with great passion these incidents take place in our living room and in his truck like I said she is very passionate and begging this man to do more to her In the dream I am usually there watching and she keeps putting me down sexually. Our sex life is very good but does not have that passion I usually wake up with a huge erection and can not go back to sleep. When I talk to her about these dreams she is embarrassed and changes the subject. Any Help

sexual fantasies

I am a retired male professional in an eighteen year relationship (my second) In the beginning, we were (obviously) 18 years younger. I only had to meet or look at my partner to get an erection. I still find my partner attractive, but I did have brief fairly meaningless fling with another (much less attractive) woman recently. I think this was related to my wife being on a medication that destroyed her libido completely.
My query is about fantasies. During the time that my wife had no interest in sex, I used a lot of fantasies to accompany masturbation. I found that the fantasies were very powerful: teenage boy seduces 28 yo female teacher. Young female slave is forced by her 'master' but still ends up climaxing when he fucks her. In none of my fantasies is the woman physically hurt.
We rarely have sex now, because my wife dislikes my fantasies and simple physical stimulation doesn't do much for me. I have asked my wife to simply role-play with me, play the part of the teacher or the slave, but she is not comfortable with this. I continue to masturbate and fantasize and frankly achieve a level of sexual satisfaction that I have never achieved with any woman.
I think that the domination/submission theme is hard-wired into us all, but my wife believes this is abnormal. Unfortunately our counsellor also believes it is abnormal. We seem to be kind of stuck. If we do sex with my wife's romantic text, I fall asleep with boredom, and my fantasies are nowhere anyway.

The following passage appears

The following passage appears to be a contradiction. Initially, the author says anxiously attached people are more likely to fantasize about being loved, etc. when their relationship is threatened. Then, in the next paragraph, the author states the opposite - or that anxiously attached people fantasize about being humiliated when things are going bad. So, which is it? See below:

"The anxiously attached fantasized more about being held and nurtured when they felt that the security of their relationship was threatened. Arguments and problems seemed to lead the avoidantly attached, conversely, to have more fantasies in which they were aggressive and alienated from their sexual partner.

Anxiously attached people, then, are more likely to equate sex with love, especially when they feel that things aren’t going well with their partner. In their fantasies, they see themselves as being humiliated and helpless at the hands of a powerful partner."

How to Manage a Daily Fantasy Football Roster

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Susan Krauss Whitbourne, Ph.D., is a Professor of Psychology at the University of Massachusetts Amherst. Her latest book is The Search for Fulfillment.


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