Freedom to Grieve

Protecting grief from "closure," consumerism, politics, and other cultural distortions.

by Nancy Berns, Ph.D.

Being a Mother After Your Child Dies

Few people look at me and see love for my son as a central part of who I am. So I find other ways to nurture my identity as Zachariah’s mom, even if just for myself. I cannot hold him in my arms, but I hold him in my heart. Read More

1-800-Autopsy

Vidal Herrera travels around in a white minivan with 1-800-Autopsy painted on the side. Inside the van is everything he needs to perform an autopsy. Herrera says the autopsy business is growing and recession-proof. Read More

We Can Carry Grief and Joy Together

Before his wife died, Tim assumed people “got over” a death fairly quickly. Sure, the first year is really hard, he thought, but then it will be in the past. Not until Leah died did he realize how grief lingers. Read More

Selling Cremation Jewelry

Longing to remember a loved one and to keep that person's spirit and memories close is nothing new. For generations we have been finding ways to memorialize people. The idea is that if you carry someone in your heart and memory, then you can retain part of the bond you had in life. Read More

Why People Hate "Closure"

Meet a Myth Slayer. A psychiatrist and a grieving father, Gordon Livingston writes, “Like all who mourn I learned an abiding hatred for the word ‘closure,’ with its comforting implications that grief is a time-limited process from which we will all recover.” Read More

“Am I Grieving Right?”

We sit at the kitchen table, brushing off the chill of a winter evening. Gloria puts down her coffee mug and reaches for a picture of her children. Through tears, she tells me about her oldest son’s life, and quietly laughs when describing his antics. He died three years ago, and she obviously misses him. Read More

Grieving When Babies Die: Why the Controversy?

Recent stories about families grieving for babies whom have died have stirred up controversy. Responses to pictures of babies who have died range from outrage to understanding. Taking pictures of stillborn or miscarried babies is a way to remember a child, to know that the child was real. So why is it hard for some people to understand this action? Read More

Christmas Is for Those Who Are Hurting

So who dressed up Christmas as a holiday only for those who can afford it? We steal the joy of Christmas from others—and ourselves—when we put the emphasis on material things and outward appearances. Christmas is not about those who can buy the biggest presents. Read More

Facing Empty Chairs: a Season of Grief and Joy

Rosie walked into the house carrying her famous apple pie. Everyone was happy to see her-and the pie-but also cautious. Rosie's husband, Simon, died two years ago, and holiday family gatherings have never been the same. Read More

Can Revenge on Your Ex Bring Closure?

The end of a relationship is a common loss and may bring pain, anger, humiliation, abandonment, and grief. Some businesses sell products, such as divorce cakes, dead fish, the Ex Voodoo Doll, and Bury the Jerk kits. But does seeking revenge help or hurt our healing process? Read More

Why Do We Rush Grief?

Twenty years ago a drunk driver killed Julie's husband, but she tells the story as if it just happened. You can still hear the pain and love in her voice as she passes around a picture of her husband and shares her grief. Julie talks to groups, such as high school students and prisoners, to raise awareness about the dangers of drinking and driving. Read More

Nancy Berns, Ph.D., is an Associate Professor of Sociology at Drake University and the author of Closure: The Rush to End Grief and What It Costs Us.

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