Fixing Families

Tools for walking the intergenerational tightrope

What's the One Thing You Can't Do?

Most of us have our Achilles heel, that emotional stuck point that stops us dead in our tracks. It keeps us from running our lives better and achieving what we want most. Figure it out and you're able to move forward. Here are the likely culprits blocking your success. Read More

Achilles heel, not heal

Sorry to correct you -- remember the Greek myth, it was the spot on Achilles' heel that was vulnerable.

heal

thanks a bunch -- Freudian slip?

#3. Know what you want.

#3. Know what you want. "Folks like her know what they should do—be nice, be responsible—and go on autopilot knocking things off the mental checklist always running in their heads, but struggle when it comes time to know on a gut level what they truly want. So instead they wind up following other’s lives and passions, or stay the ever-responsible one who never truly gets what she really wants and needs."

I know this is my problem, but it's been my problem for 50 years. How can I figure out what I really want? I don't think I've ever known.

Know what you want

Good question and you're not alone. My suggestions are 2: One is to become more aware of what you don't like. This is a clue to what you do. When you are aware of this -- someone suggests getting Chinese food for lunch and you know you don't want that, act on it, and say no rather than being nice even if you are not sure what you really would want.

On the other side, anytime anytime you get the slightest sense that you want something -- the Chinese food -- absolutely pay attention to it and act it. Now if you do that your head will say you are being impulsive or if the food is lousy that you made a stupid choice -- don't worry about that -- pat yourself on the back for acting.

It's all about rewiring your brain and making decisions on emotional reactions than your nice, rational shoulds mind.

Check out my blog post The Limits of Being Good for more ideas.

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Bob Taibbi, L.C.S.W. has 40 years of clinical experience. He is author of 6 books and over 300 articles and provides training nationally and internationally.

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