Here are some tips for handling those big decisions:

• Pick one thing. There's that line from that comedy City Slickers where the old cowpoke Jack Palance tells Billy Crystal that the secret of life is figure out his "1 thing" - what is it that is most important to him, what is on top of his list. Good advice that applies here. When making a big decision what is the 1 thing that is on top of the list right now (the 1 thing will naturally change over time). For Allison and Jack it may be cost or stability for their kids or new neighbors, or the need for an extra bathroom. If moving is the solution, what is the problem that they are most trying to fix, and what is it that is most important to them. Pick 1, not 10, or even 2. Figure out what is, again for right now, the absolute top priority.

• Brainstorm. Moving is one solution but they need to brainstorm others. If it's about stability for their kids, do they need to stay put, and check out renovating their house and adding a bath, or can they move within their neighborhood and their kids can still have the same friends or the same school. If it's about new neighbors, can they have a sit-down with the neighbors and put this problem to rest? If about money, how much can they afford? The key here is exploring all the possibilities and thinking outside the box.

• Take action and check it out. You can't figure this all out by simply sitting and talking on the couch. The shot-gun approach is best at this point. Go look at house in the area, call up the neighbor and say that you want to set a time to sit down and talk, call up a contractor and get an estimate on putting in that extra bathroom. Do them all, see what boots-on-the-ground produce in terms of more information and emotional reactions. Most of all trust your reactions and instincts.

• Think in terms of chapters. Allison and Jack probably don't need to think in terms of finding a house that will suit them till they are 80 years old. Ditto for job change or helping with parents. Much of life is a moving target that changes based on a host of unforeseeable / uncontrollable variables. They may, for example, need to think about the next 10 years - till the kids graduate from high school or their parents can no longer live on their own, or till they inherit money or get the next promotion - and see how they feel at that time. The research on adult development that people move through cycles - 8-10 years of stability and then a couple of years of instability while big and small decisions reset priorities and needs. Sure, you want to think about retirement and college while you're in your 30's, but don't assume that fits now will fit forever.

That's about it. One key, of course, is good communication, that is, both of you talking honestly what you think and feel rather than walking on eggshells or watering down what you feel in your heart.

And if this is a problem for you in some way, this may need to be your current 1 thing - learning to be listen to yourself and be assertive with others. Go ahead and put that on top on of your list.