Help for an Astrology Junkie

I tried them all—from $5 palm readers at fairs to well-known astrologers in East Village apartments. I even once trekked out to Queens to see some foreign woman who couldn't speak a lick of English but did amazing things with coins and stones.

The last Gypsy I visited all but squeezed the life out of my palm, and kept her face about three centimeters from mine during her very rehearsed reading. And let's just say an upper lip wax was in order! That's when the "I-think-you-have-a-problem" meter sounded off in my head.

It's no surprise we all want to know our future—the thought of living in the present with the unknown is unsettling. But my almost obsessive need to ensure a smooth outcome to my troubles was getting in the way of my ability to solve my own problems and create my own destiny.

Naturally, I consulted my favorite monk (well, the only one I know), Dave, about this.

"People feel the need to know the future because of their fear of losing what they never owned," Dave explained. "This body is nothing more than a rental car we borrow temporarily from the universe. But one day, we have to give it back. Likewise, people like to think that they have control over situations in their lives. But everything is subject to the law of impermanence, appearing and disappearing."

I've never thought of myself as a control freak, but I guess I do want things to turn out a certain way.

To be comfortable with uncertainty and not knowing, Dave said a person has to completely surrender his or her need to control situations. If you look deeply, you can see that everything is whole and complete as it is. We lack nothing.

So my apartment, which needs cleaning, is great as-is? And that horrible movie I saw last night was actually perfect in its imperfection?!

"Our opposite thinking makes situations incomplete," Dave told me, "and so we endlessly search, trying to fill these perceived gaps in our lives. But once you experience that everything is complete, just as it is, there is no reason to fear or desire any situation over another."

"Don't want anything," says Zen Master Seung Sahn. "Then you get everything."

It feels really good to breathe deep and think that everything in my life is exactly how it should be. Even as I endlessly search for a clean glass to drink from in my kitchen cabinet.

Of course, this doesn't mean we can't aspire to a fantabulous way of life. There's just a difference between desire and aspiration. When we desire, we feel incomplete—like our lives are missing something. Then we run around trying to find something outside to fill the hole. It's an never-ending search!

When we aspire, we can feel whole as we try to improve our lives and have direction. Because of this, when things don't go our way, we're cool with it. We don't suffer; we just keep trying. We don't try to control outside circumstances, because our foundation of who we are is rockin solid.

My life as an Astrology junkie is hereby over! I'm going to walk by every "$5 Palm Reading" sign I see. The future can wait! I already know the stars hold something for me—half the fun is not knowing exactly what it will be.

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