Finding True Love

Dating tips and relationship advice

by Diana Kirschner, Ph.D.

Relationship Advice: Who Are the Marrying Kind of Men?

Just who are the marrying kind of men?

Published on December 31, 2009 by Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. in Finding True Love

Since my last blog about so-called "good" and "bad" men aroused a firestorm of mail I thought it would be fun to post some other research on charateristics of men that marry vs. those who don't. Rutgers University and The National Marriage Project (Popence & Whitehead, 2004, "The State of our Unions") conducted a national study that showed that married men were more likely than single men to have grown up with both biological parents. Almost half of the married guys reported going to religious services several times a month. Less than one quarter of the unmarried men did. When these researchers sorted out the “Marrying Kind” of single men they found a similar difference . Those that came from traditional backgrounds in intact families and those who attended religious services regularly each month were more likely to agree with the following statement: “You’d be ready to marry tomorrow if the right person came along.” Also, a Gallup poll (2002) showed that the vast majority of these men are seeking a “soul-mate,” who will fulfill their emotional, sexual and spiritual desires and will also share breadwinning responsibilities. The study went on to cite significant differences between the ‘marrying kind’ and the non-marrying kind.

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Marriage avoiders were more likely to:

distrust women to tell the truth about prior relationships
worry more about the risks of divorce
say they did not want children
believed that singles have better sex lives than marrieds
agree to the statement that “there are so many bad marriages today it makes one question the value of marriage.”
say that at this stage of life they just wanted to have fun
express the concern that, “If you marry, your biggest concern would be losing your personal freedom. ”

Ladies, there are some important clues here. Obviously, there are wonderful, available guys who don’t fit the complete profile of the ‘marrying kind.’ Nevertheless, the research suggests that good parental role models and a spiritual or religious background help in molding guys who are more serious about commitment. If marriage is your goal, you may want to watch early on for info and clues about a guy’s upbringing; eagerness for marriage; spiritual or religious activities; general distrust of women; and his fears about losing personal freedom. If marriage is your goal, don’t waste your time on the ‘non-marrying kind’; they are likely to break your hearts.

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Tags: bad men, better sex, biological parents, dating advice, dating men, diana kirschner, firestorm, gallup poll, intact families, mail, married men, men that marry, national marriage project, nbsp nbsp nbsp nbsp nbsp, personal freedom, relationship advice, religious services, rutgers university, sex lives, single men, soul mate, stage of life, unmarried men

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Diana Kirschner, Ph.D., a psychologist and frequent guest expert on The Today Show, is the author of the bestselling book Love in 90 Days: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Own True Love.

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