Finding True Love

Dating tips and relationship advice

Dating "good" men vs "bad" men: the value of waiting to have sex

Waiting to have sex-sorts the "good" from the "bad" men

A fascinating study by researchers at the University College London, University of Warwick and London School of Economics and Political Science shows that a longer courtship before mating allows a male to show that he is "good" from the female's point of view ("goodness" is defined as his willingness to care for young after mating). The study used game theory to analyze the male/female dating game. According to the researchers, a longer courtship shows that the males who are more available for lasting and true love relationships were willing to wait and delay having sex. They consider these subjects to be "good men" from the women's point of view.

I love this study!!  It is not only funny in its use of value-laden terms of "good" and "bad" (by a mathematician and economist no less) but it is totally in line with the Dating Program I describe in my dating advice book, Love in 90 Days: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Own True Love. My students (of all ages) who are having great success in finding lasting and committed relationships are casually dating a few guys and not having sex with any of them at the outset (a little kissing and canoodling is OK).  This engenders respect for the woman and tends to protect her from getting hurt by a guy who is only after sex. 

On my dating program it is only after at least two months of consistently improving contact that the women consider dating a fellow exclusively and possibly having sex with him.  Over the course of these two months, there should be more sharing of friends, family and personal space, as well as feelings and thoughts.  True love comes from having a best friendship along with chemistry.  So waiting is a good thing.

Oh, and by the way, the longing for each other and anticipation usually make the sex itself, once it happens, all the more sweet, meaningul and fantastic!!

Diana Kirschner, Ph.D., a psychologist and frequent guest expert on The Today Show, is the author of the bestselling book Love in 90 Days: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Own True Love. more...

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