In a previous post, I discussed how turning to a spiritual practice or a Higher Power can be the ultimate first aid for heartache. Research shows that faith, prayer and meditation are all related to healing. Meditation alone has almost 1000 studies showing its power in healing and stress reduction. Studies have shown that even when others pray for a person from a distance, there is a positive physical effect. Spiritual practices can provide stress-relief, peacefulness and a sense of connectedness and love. They help soothe the speedy quality that the love chemical dopamine creates. When you connect to a Higher Power, no matter how you understand it, you don't have to go the distance alone and make it all happen by sheer will. Over time you develop a sense that the universe is benevolent and will provide.
Usually our attention is so focused on getting our to-do lists done, on acquiring/taking care of our possessions, achievements, or lack of same that most of us if we stopped for a few moments would feel at a loss, with an empty feeling. Heartbreak makes us stop and truly feel the emptiness that comes from disconnection and separateness from the present moment.
So especially at this time, you need to invite the divine into your life. And every day thereafter. This invitation may involve prayer, reading for spiritual inspiration, studying Kabbalah, practicing meditation, yoga, tai chi, chi gong, pranayama breathing, or simply the Being-in-the-Moment exercise that is described later in this section. It may also involve a 12-step program like AA, Al-Anon, Overeaters Anonymous and the like. These meetings are oases of love and spiritual connection. You could try renewing the religious practices you learned in childhood. Or you could seek out a new church or synagogue that calls to you.
The goal of spiritual practice is to make a connection with all that is around you, whether you call that God, Nature or your Higher Power as you experience her/him/it. When you feel that bond on a regular basis, preferably always, you will no longer feel alone. You will experience yourself as a "fragment of the divine" and will not be as devastated when you are hurt and disappointed in love. As Blake inspires us,
"To see a world in a grain of sand
and heaven in a wild flower.
Hold infinity in the palms of your hand
and eternity in an hour."
The Being-in-the-Moment exercise is one practice that will lead you in this soothing direction. The Navaho used to call it "walking in beauty." This is an outwardly-focused meditation where you put your awareness on an object in the present moment. It is easiest to do somewhere in nature: a park; an undeveloped field or forest near your home; a lake or beach area. If you are in the city, use trees, plants, flowers, birds, squirrels, water flowing in a fountain or clouds-and-sky. For 15 minutes each day, take a being-in-the moment walk. It's best to create a time slot for the exercise outside of your daily routine. But you can also do it whenever you are outside, going to work or walking home. Beauty is everywhere.
Use your full attention. Initially put your attention on something you don't usually notice, like blades of grass or a squirrel. Study the object. Take it in with your senses. If thoughts or feelings come, accept them and then bring your mind gently back to the object before you. Appreciate and find the beauty in the thing, even if it is just a patch of grass. As it says in an ancient Sanskrit manuscript,
"Look lovingly on some object. Do not go on to another object. Here in the middle of this object lies the blessing."
Once you get a feeling of oneness with the object, walk on slowly and choose another. Gradually, you will emerge from the auto-hypnotic trance that most of us are in all the time; that focuses on the past or worries about the future. Breaking that trance means you can come into the present. You can then reconnect with God, stillness or All-that-is. When that happens, you'll realize that you're never alone. As Sri Daya Mata says in Enter the Quiet Heart,
"Realize that we are not alone,
That we never have been
And never will be alone."
Miracles, small and large can happen to you when you are in the present. This is especially true when you are in the great balm of nature, where as Emerson puts it, "a wild delight runs through the [wo]man in spite of real sorrows." Allowing yourself to be present with an arching oak tree, the caressing wind, or a shiny tiny hummingbird can help you release your sadness and anger so that it passes through your heart easily and effortlessly. After your feelings pass, you may feel more detached from negative thoughts about your pain, ex or breakup.
Coming into the present helps you create a new vision of your future, with all the energy of God, your Higher Power or the spiritual universe behind you. You can pass through the dark nightmare of pain into the light of peace and even gratitude. For more information on recovering from heartbreak and what the latest research says about it, consider picking up my book, Love in 90 Days.
