When I was a child, my mother often showed me her love by secreting us away from my other siblings and sharing a cookie, a piece of cake or candy just with me. She made it a point that she was sharing it with me because I was so special. I certainly felt special. Even though the sugary love drug usually made me sick to my stomach.
My mother's actions led to a lifelong push-pull between me and sugar. It took on so many meanings-the special comfort of mother, being chosen, being loved. And of course, sugar did produce-it gave me that great initial rush. Once I started dating, if I broke up with a guy, I headed straight for the Ben & Jerrys. And ate a whole pint-to the point of getting myself sick. It became both a reward and a punishment. It took me years to detach from that meaning, to learn to love myself enough so that I did not need to put large amounts of sugar in my body as a kind of love drug. It took me learning to love myself enough. And out of that self love I was able to give myself a wonderful relationship with a caring man-which in turn, steadied me and made it easier to take control over that demon sugar.
As psychologist and love expert who has helped thousands of women find true love, I have seen that for many women, self-love really is the governing mechanism that determines what they put in their bodies as well as how they run their dating and love lives. If they are caught in a vicious cycle with low self-esteem they will often date guys who disappear or who are not good for them. When the relationship hits a downtick, they too head straight for a sugary fix to help them in their pain. Of course, this act just makes them feel much much worse.