Find Your Bliss

Bliss Tip: Play More with Pets

Allison Aboud Holzer, M.A.T., M.F.A., C.P.C.C. — Tue, 18 Aug 2009 01:10:40 +0000

Do you remember the scene in the movie Cast Away when Chuck Noland (played by Tom Hanks) watches his companion of four years drift away in the ocean and cries "Wilson! WILSON! I'm sorry Wilson, I'm so sorry..."? I sobbed during this scene in the movie, and then I left the theatre baffled at myself for crying over his pet volleyball! But, as any devoted pet owner will tell you: furry, scaly, and leathery friends alike often become members of the family. It's not so much a question of whether pets bring joy into our lives, but rather how...

Pets make us more social. Pets have personalities and provide companionship to our highly social human species. They force us to socialize when they greet us in the doorway, engage us in play, or look for praise. And pets also make us more social by giving us opportunities to socialize with other pet owners and meet new people.

Pets improve our health. Pets may actually improve our physical health, although it is not entirely clear why. One hypothesis is that people who have pets that need to be walked end up exercising more. There is also some medical evidence that people with pets have lower blood pressure and cholesterol and see the doctor less often than their non-pet owning counterparts.

Pets soothe us. An interesting experimental study showed that women given a stressful mental exercise were soothed more by a pet than the presence of a friend. Why? Even our friends make judgments about us. Pets provide stress relief through physical contact and unconditional positive regard. In addition, pets can also provide relief from feelings of loneliness, as cited by several Previous PT Bloggers.

Pets promote empathy and bonding. Children with strong bonds to pets score higher on empathy scales than children without pets. Pets also cultivate a nurturing spirit from the adults who take care of them. We learn to empathize with our pets' feelings, signs of hunger, et cetera, because they are not able to speak for themselves. A previous PT Blogger cited a 2003 study in the Veterinary Journal that showed how the act of touching or petting an animal releases the mammalian hormone Oxytocin. This hormone increases feelings of bonding, sparking a similar connection as with a child, family member, or close friend.

For those of you who do not currently have pets, consider the benefits of their companionship through ownership, pet-sitting, or playing with other people's pets. Allergic? Scared of bites? As Chuck Noland helped us understand, we can develop strong emotional bonds with pets of many kinds, including plants, lizards, birds, snakes, rodents, and horses, to name a few. If nothing else, then perhaps even an anthropomorphized inanimate object, like Wilson, will suffice!

• Allen, k.M., Blascovich, J., Tomaka, J., & Kelsey, R.M. (1991). Presence of human friends and pet dogs as moderators of autonomic responses to stress in women. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 61, 582 - 580.
• Anderson, W.P., Reid, C.M., & Jennings, G.L. (1992). Pet ownership and risk factors for cardiovascular disease. Medical Journal of Australia, 157, 298 - 301.
• Ascione, F.R. (1992). Enhancing Children's Attitudes About The Humane Treatment of Animals: Generalization to Human-Directed Empathy. Anthrozoos, 5 (3).
• Sable, Pat (1995). Pets, Attachment, and Well-being across the Life Cycle. Social Work, 40 (3), 334-41.
• Siegel, J.M. (1990). Stressful life events and use of physician services among the elderly: the moderating role of pet ownership. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 58, 1081 - 1086.
• Stallones, L., Marx, M.B., Garrity, T.F., & Johnson, T.P. (1990). Pet ownership and attachment in relation to the health of U.S. adults, 21 to 64 years of age. Anthrozoos, 4, 100 - 112.

Veni, Vidi, Vici Rumination!

Allison Aboud Holzer, M.A.T., M.F.A., C.P.C.C. — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 04:52:33 +0000

My high school Latin teacher used to pride himself on using puns to make learning a dead language lively. I remember his all time favorite: "I once had a pupil named Iris. Every day in class she winked at me. Finally, I said to her, Iris, put a lid on it!" From this witty teacher, I also learned ad nauseam about unusual Latin roots to modern words or phrases like sanguine, cave canem, and rumination. The origin of the word rumination derives from the Latin word ruminare, which literally refers to the act of a cow chewing cud. While modern use of the word can sometimes refer to chewing food, in most cases the term is used to describe excessive worrying, or, according to the Merriam-Webster dictionary: "obsessive or abnormal reflection upon an idea or deliberation over a choice."

Just take a moment to imagine a cow chomping away - chewing and regurgitating, chewing and regurgitating the same clump of soggy grass. Well, this cud chewing metaphor turns out to be quite illustrative of how most people experience the act of worrying.

While anxiety about an upcoming situation does not necessarily lead to rumination, it might. Sometimes our minds begin to chew on that initial anxiety over and over and over again until the worry becomes all consuming and sometimes paralyzing. It sounds like a big downer, right? And yet people ruminate because they actually believe their excessive worrying will somehow be productive. Guess what? It's not.

As the movie character Van Wilder said, "I learned a long time ago that worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere."

Not only is rumination unproductive, it actually diminishes well-being by increasing stress and negative emotions. While some people suffer from anxiety disorders requiring professional attention, many people without anxiety disorders also ruminate unecessarily. There is some evidence that the tendency to ruminate relates to a hereditary personality trait called neuroticism, which in turn correlates with lower levels of happiness and positive emotions.

But, here's the good news for cud chewing neurotics: while genetics may predispose us to worrying tendencies, there's definitely some wiggle room to spit out the soggy grass!

Turning off rumination auto-pilot tendencies, however, necessitates self-awareness and self-discipline - the same kind we use to remember to brush our teeth every night or stick to a new exercise routine. Reducing rumination requires building a new kind of mental muscle. It gets stronger by practicing the act of letting worry go with the same consistency, dedication, and perseverance applied to lifting weights, jogging, and, yes, even flossing. Fortunately, like working out, this sort of mental exercise, while more difficult at first, definitely gets easier over time.

Julius Caesar pronounced his famous dictum "I came, I saw, I conquered" in his native tongue of Latin. Embrace his perseverent spirit and conquer excessive worrying in your life. Soon you will be saying with the same oratory gusto: Veni, Vidi, Vici rumination! Isn't Latin lively?

• Lyubomirsky S, Nolen-Hoeksema S. (1995). Effects of self-focused rumination on negative thinking and interpersonal problem solving. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 69(1),176-90.
• Nolen-Hoeksema, S. (2000). The role of rumination in depressive disorders and mixed anxiety/depressive symptoms. Journal of Abnormal Psychology, 109(3), 504-511.
• Papageorgiou, C., & Wells, A. (2004). Depressive rumination: nature, theory and treatment.

Bliss Tip for “Bone Envy”

Allison Aboud Holzer, M.A.T., M.F.A., C.P.C.C. — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 04:00:45 +0000

I recently dog-sat a puppy Pomeranian named Quincy who illustrated to me the darker side of Social Comparison Theory. When Quincy arrived, I immediately gave him a bone to help him feel at ease in my home. My Tibetan spaniel Stella watched inquisitively and immediately made a move to usurp Quincy's prized bone. Noticing her jealousy I tried to solve the problem by providing her with another bone of the same kind. I called her over to give her the new bone and she happily began chomping away. Problem solved? Not exactly...

Quincy immediately became obsessed with Stella's new bone. I tried directing his attention back to the lonely bone he had abandoned. With no success, I finally switched the two bones, giving Quincy the new one and Stella his old one. Problem solved now? Not quite...

At this point, both dogs stared longingly at each other's bones with perfectly delectable and almost identical ones sitting right between their paws! A case of "bone envy," for sure! We humans understand this type of envy all too well...

Why that bone looks better than mine

Psychologists who study Social Comparison Theory look at the adaptive benefits and drawbacks of comparing ourselves to others. Often times social comparison benefits us by helping us feel more grateful, hopeful, and optimistic. For example, when we compare ourselves to others we believe to be socially better in some way (called "upward social comparison"), then we affiliate with more intelligent, attractive or successful people. As long as we feel similar enough to them, our association with them makes us more elite, enhancing our self-esteem and well-being.

However, when we feel particularly vulnerable or our self-esteem is suffering, upward comparison may actually have a downward spiral effect. Like Quincy and Stella, we look at someone else and feel envy for what they have while ignoring what is in front of us.

In these instances, "downward social comparison" might provide just the remedy. By comparing ourselves to those worse off than we are, we enhance our self-esteem and feel better about ourselves. I only wish I could have explained this to Stella and Quincy!

Previous PT Blogs have cited a r esearch study by Victoria Medvec and colleagues on the 1992 summer Olympics, which looked at the emotional responses of bronze and silver medalists. It found that bronze medalists tended to feel happier than silver medalists. The study hypothesized that silver medalists compared themselves upward to the gold medalists in a negative way, focusing on "what might have been"; bronze medalists, on the other hand, focused downward on all the other athletes who would go home that day empty handed, feeling grateful for receiving a medal. Downward comparison seems to evoke feelings of gratitude and gratitude appears to be a potential antidote for envy.

Try this Two-Step Envy Elixir

Unlike our furry little friends, we humans can think logically and meta-cognitively. This means we can choose when to bring social comparison to our own awareness for our benefit. Rather than suffering from "bone envy" unnecessarily, we can use our feelings of envy as a clue that we might be comparing ourselves to others in an unproductive way. As soon as we notice this emotion taking over, we have the power of choice to get our self-esteem back on track. Try out this simple, two-step envy elixir:

First, shift focus from what you don't have to compare downward to other less fortunate people in the world. If this doesn't come naturally, try volunteering at a local community shelter, school, or hospital OR rent a movie, read a book or article about a difficult historical event or time period.
Second, conduct a gratitude intervention. Carve out some quiet time. Take several deep breaths and write in a journal (or reflect with a friend) about all of the things you appreciate most in your life and why. The "why" is important because it forces being more specific and concrete.

While this two-step envy elixir might be a tough strategy to sell to Quincy and Stella, luckily, we humans don't have to forego our personal fulfillment for the sake of "bone envy"! Try it out and tell me what you think.

Medvec, V.H., Madey, S., & Gilovich, T. (1995) When Less is More: Counterfactual Thinking and Satisfaction Among Olympic Medalists. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 69(4), 603-610.
Suls, J., Martin, R. & Wheeler, L. (2002). Social Comparison: Why, With Whom, and With What Effect? Current Directions in Psychological Science, 11 (5), 159-163.

Finding Bliss: Expecting Blisters or Baconnaise?

Allison Aboud Holzer, M.A.T., M.F.A., C.P.C.C. — Tue, 10 Mar 2009 13:42:56 +0000

On a recent Daily Show episode, John Stewart responded to President Obama's statement that "this is America: we don't do what's easy, we do what's necessary" by holding up a jar of Baconnaise. Stewart sarcastically retorted that Americans LOVE doing what's easy; so much that products exist like Baconnaise - for people who love bacon but don't actually want to exert the effort of cooking it! With the "happiness industry" rapidly on the rise, and the science of happiness rushing to keep up, do we expect that bliss-products and gurus will provide happiness to us with the same kind of ease? If so, I think we need to check our expectations.

I'm not saying Baconnaise bliss doesn't exist. Sometimes golden nuggets of joy just get handed to us without any work on our part - like running across a hilarious episode of the Daily Show or coming home to my enthusiastically loving dog Stella! But in the face of our current global challenges, not to mention the normal stresses of our daily lives, I think we need to be realistic here. Sometimes happiness requires effort; sometimes we have to be willing to get some blisters finding our bliss!

I'm fortunate that I'm in decent physical health right now; but, that doesn't mean I can officially give up my gym membership for life. Staying physically healthy requires being active and cultivating healthy eating habits every day of my life. I do it because I value my physical health. It's not always easy, but it's often times fun!

I view mental health and well-being (happiness, bliss...) exactly the same way. While some of us are more genetically predisposed to happiness than others (much like set point weight or cholesterol levels), most of us, including myself, require regular trips to the mind gym, so to speak, to cultivate healthy mental habits!

The cultivation of well-being looks different for everyone and doesn't necessarily mean being happy all the time. All emotions have adaptive functions: for example, anger tells us when we think something is unfair and the expression of sadness tells others when we need help. Life (and movies) would be boring without despair, rage, anxiety, jealousy and the like. But sometimes we get stuck in negative mindsets that weigh us down or no longer serve us well. How do we get out of them? And how do we foster resilience so we can be more proactive and perseverant in the face of daily stress? The idea isn't to completely replace unpleasant emotions with positive ones; rather, to provide tools to tip the balance more effectively.

President Obama charged us with actively participating in a "new era of responsibility," which requires effort on all our parts. So, while we're committed to bettering our country and our economy, why not also commit to bettering ourselves? My posts to this new column and my website will explore the many different ways we can cultivate a healthy mindset to enhance bliss in our daily lives. I focus on simple, research-based things we can do to improve our well-being in tangible and achievable ways. Happiness, bliss, contentment - these are all fleeting emotions we can either enhance through daily practice or ignore and hope they don't eventually atrophy, like our once muscular, now flabby, triceps.

I'll have my bliss with a side of blisters and hold the Baconnaise.