I recently dog-sat a puppy Pomeranian named Quincy who illustrated to me the darker side of Social Comparison Theory. When Quincy arrived, I immediately gave him a bone to help him feel at ease in my home. My Tibetan spaniel Stella watched inquisitively and immediately made a move to usurp Quincy's prized bone. Noticing her jealousy I tried to solve the problem by providing her with another bone of the same kind. I called her over to give her the new bone and she happily began chomping away. Problem solved? Not exactly...
Quincy immediately became obsessed with Stella's new bone. I tried directing his attention back to the lonely bone he had abandoned. With no success, I finally switched the two bones, giving Quincy the new one and Stella his old one. Problem solved now? Not quite...
At this point, both dogs stared longingly at each other's bones with perfectly delectable and almost identical ones sitting right between their paws! A case of "bone envy," for sure! We humans understand this type of envy all too well...
Why that bone looks better than mine
Psychologists who study Social Comparison Theory look at the adaptive benefits and drawbacks of comparing ourselves to others. Often times social comparison benefits us by helping us feel more grateful, hopeful, and optimistic. For example, when we compare ourselves to others we believe to be socially better in some way (called "upward social comparison"), then we affiliate with more intelligent, attractive or successful people. As long as we feel similar enough to them, our association with them makes us more elite, enhancing our self-esteem and well-being.
However, when we feel particularly vulnerable or our self-esteem is suffering, upward comparison may actually have a downward spiral effect. Like Quincy and Stella, we look at someone else and feel envy for what they have while ignoring what is in front of us.
In these instances, "downward social comparison" might provide just the remedy. By comparing ourselves to those worse off than we are, we enhance our self-esteem and feel better about ourselves. I only wish I could have explained this to Stella and Quincy!
Previous PT Blogs have cited a research study by Victoria Medvec and colleagues on the 1992 summer Olympics, which looked at the emotional responses of bronze and silver medalists. It found that bronze medalists tended to feel happier than silver medalists. The study hypothesized that silver medalists compared themselves upward to the gold medalists in a negative way, focusing on "what might have been"; bronze medalists, on the other hand, focused downward on all the other athletes who would go home that day empty handed, feeling grateful for receiving a medal. Downward comparison seems to evoke feelings of gratitude and gratitude appears to be a potential antidote for envy.
Try this Two-Step Envy Elixir
Unlike our furry little friends, we humans can think logically and meta-cognitively. This means we can choose when to bring social comparison to our own awareness for our benefit. Rather than suffering from "bone envy" unnecessarily, we can use our feelings of envy as a clue that we might be comparing ourselves to others in an unproductive way. As soon as we notice this emotion taking over, we have the power of choice to get our self-esteem back on track. Try out this simple, two-step envy elixir:
- First, shift focus from what you don't have to compare downward to other less fortunate people in the world. If this doesn't come naturally, try volunteering at a local community shelter, school, or hospital OR rent a movie, read a book or article about a difficult historical event or time period.
- Second, conduct a gratitude intervention. Carve out some quiet time. Take several deep breaths and write in a journal (or reflect with a friend) about all of the things you appreciate most in your life and why. The "why" is important because it forces being more specific and concrete.
While this two-step envy elixir might be a tough strategy to sell to Quincy and Stella, luckily, we humans don't have to forego our personal fulfillment for the sake of "bone envy"! Try it out and tell me what you think.
- Medvec, V.H., Madey, S., & Gilovich, T. (1995) When Less is More: Counterfactual Thinking and Satisfaction Among Olympic Medalists. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 69(4), 603-610.
- Suls, J., Martin, R. & Wheeler, L. (2002). Social Comparison: Why, With Whom, and With What Effect? Current Directions in Psychological Science, 11 (5), 159-163.
