My weekend in the Berkshires began and ended pretty much the same way: peaceful, aside from the doggedly determined woodpecker attacking the trunk of an iron maple located a few feet from my favorite deck chair.
He began and ended my day with the same rhythmic tap-tap-tap. And so it was for three days. Tap-tap-tap-pause-tap-tap-tap-pause-tap-tap-tap! I am not complaining; in a sense, I admired the steadfastness of the mission.
Watching this determined bird reminded me of the old joke- "Why do you beat your head against the wall? Because it feels so good when you stop!" This joke perfectly summarizes the situation of the couple who made their way to me after continual financial failure.
"Michael, it seems every time we get close to getting out of debt, something happens and we wind up in trouble again."
"Tell me more, Scott."
Alyson chipped in before Scott could reply. "It's simple: we get to the point where we can see light at the end of the tunnel, and we let up. We think we need to reward ourselves for all our progress, so we start buying things we've denied ourselves and Poof! We're back in debt again. I think we're like binge drinkers or something."
Scott nodded, "There must be some psychological term for what we keep doing. The same pattern, over and over. I think it's been going on for over ten years."
"Fifteen," Alyson corrected.
"OK, fifteen. In all that time, we haven't been able to accumulate anything but interest payments and more debt."
Unfortunately, I have heard this story many times before. Not a surprise, given how much this behavior is reinforced by our society that encourages people to engage in retail therapy when another kind of therapy is what they really need.
"I am not a therapist and I would think that working with a qualified practitioner who understands about money behavior could be helpful. Meanwhile, we need to consider some steps to end the cycle of self-sabotage. Can you recall a time when you were not in debt and were able to accumulate money rather than spend inappropriately?"
Alyson and Scott considered my question. Looking at Alyson, Scott spoke first.
"Do you remember the year after you finished your MBA and I was working for that graphic design firm in the Village? We paid off your school loans and saved up enough for the down payment on the Condo. We didn't have many extras. We didn't travel, we didn't even eat out more than once or twice a year, but damn, we saved a lot of money!"
Alyson nodded in agreement. "Yes, we did and we were good at it. Somehow, we lost that track and continued to make the same mistakes over and over again. We've done it before - we can do it again! It's time to stop banging our heads against the wall and make the changes necessary to stop this destructive cycle."
I smiled, knowing all too well that sometimes it takes a giant headache to finally seek a better cure.
Meanwhile, as the sun sets over the rise of the mountain, that woodpecker relentlessly hammers away at the tree. That worm better be worth it.
