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Perhaps you are a rare exception; perhaps your brain doesn't seize up and go numb upon walking into a furniture store, as my mind does. There's an audible click as my brain switches over to hibernation mode and I find myself wandering aimlessly through the store, seeing everything and nothing at all. Life is like that sometimes - it happens when I follow my wife into a shoe store too. It's not that I purposefully go into shutdown mode; it's just that factually, I bring nothing to the table (if you'll forgive the furniture store pun.)
Swatches of fabric, sofas, sectionals and corner pieces leave me in a state of apathy that verges on catatonia. Meanwhile, my wife is tearing through fabric books, wielding her measuring tape like a ringmaster's whip, inspecting furniture from multiple angles, comparing this with that - she is truly in her element. Now, if we are talking recliner chairs that need a butt to check out their coziness, I'm in, but otherwise I have nothing to say. Can anyone relate to that?
But this is a column about money, right? You fail to see the connection between furniture shopping and that out-of-body feeling of dread and disassociation that can occur around money? Now is the time to switch places with my wife. For many women, especially those in their 40s or above, the idea of money involvement wasn't even a speck on their horizon. That is NOT to say that there is a lack of capacity (nothing could be further from the truth), but many parents didn't think a money education was important for girls or the parents themselves didn't know enough to discuss even the rudimentary basics of money management. Men, on the other hand, were somewhat forced to become more involved simply by being in the workforce - not that their parents did such a bang up job of discussing money with them either - it just seemed to evolve this way.
Too many times in my career I have witnessed this scenario: the male takes the financial lead, leaving the female to sit silently, staring blankly, in that out-of-body, disassociated mode. Like me in the furniture store, her main ambition is to abstain from damaging anything. Here is where one of my favorite parts of the job come in. I get to engage, educate and bring my clients into the circle of knowledge and comfort. This begins with an invitation to comment, ask questions, and mold the plan to their values. Once the invitation is extended, there is often an opening and the conversation becomes richer and more meaningful. With ensuing participation, the plan comes into focus and direction. My clients leave my office not only with a plan they feel good about, but also a new way of participating in their financial world.
Sitting on a recliner in the furthest corner of the furniture store, playing Sudoku on my phone, I wonder what's taking my wife so long. I figure, you need a couch, find one and buy it. Simple! Right? I wonder what would happen if the saleswomen would begin to engage me in conversation. Would I open up and have a vision of the ultimate purchase? Would my inner designer suddenly spring to life? I laugh at the sheer lunacy of the notion. I know where to put my energies and it's not on fabric, high-back/low-back decisions, or whether the density of the pillows are appropriate for my lounging needs. As opposed to the case of financial education, in this scenario I see no need to do anything but remain blissfully ignorant and sink a little deeper into the comfy chair.
