Turn on any news report and you'll hear the reporter or commentator talk about the "back-story" behind the headlines, those vital details that fill in the blanks and give perspective to the situation at hand. It's very useful and oh so in vogue to find out the why's, when's, who's and where's of the story's history. The other day, while listening to the radio, I was provided the back-story to political unrest in Yemen, Egypt and the airport bombing in Moscow. In addition, I was provided with the history behind Steven Tyler's role on American Idol--a plethora of important information.
We all have back-stories, the many ins and outs of how we arrived at our present condition or situation. All these tales might sometimes seem a bit soap opera-ish, but this information is vitally important when it comes to you and your relationship to money and financial well-being. For example, we adopt our money attitudes from very early life experiences. We hear our parents fighting about money and then witness them putting on lavish displays of financial success. We listen as our parents dramatically channel Ben Franklin by insisting that "A penny saved is a penny earned." We are remonstrated that money doesn't grow on trees but that when we get money it should be used to help those less fortunate. These are all messages that we hear and absorb, causing us to create behaviors that match those acquired beliefs. As you can guess, sometimes these behaviors are supportive and sometimes destructive.
Spend a few minutes thinking about and answering the following questions:
1. As a child, what was the most important lesson you learned about money?
2. Growing up in your family, was money mainly used to reward, punish, survive, impress, control, help others, have fun, buy love, reach goals, a combination of the above, or something else?
3. In your family, was money an "issue"? A source of conflict? A tool for achieving goals?
4. Has money been an "issue" or source of conflict in your important relationships?
5. In considering your true values, what do you want money to give you?
As you examine these questions for yourself, ask yourself in what ways your money history has touched your current life and to what extent. Is it positive or negative? Supportive or destructive?
Several years ago, I worked with a couple whose money biographies were vastly different. They both grew up during the Depression. While they lived through the same national history, their families reacted very differently and therefore their views and behaviors around money took very different courses. His level of deprivation in his early years led to a life of profligate spending; she, on the other hand, grew up understanding the value of saving, spending carefully and respecting money. Their life together was a financial nightmare; they battled constantly over his fiscal irresponsibility, which brought debt, trouble with the IRS and lack of security. Their impending retirement brought them to the brink of divorce. This was an example of money messages at their most destructive.
After unearthing their money memories, however, they soon discovered the root cause of the difficulty. This was their first step towards handling the problem and creating new habits.
The bottom line here is that understanding your money attitudes, and their roots, can help you embark on a fruitful journey of discovery that can in turn result in improved financial well-being. Though this understanding in itself will not necessarily solve your problems, it can definitely support you in moving forward with the full strength that knowledge brings.
Perhaps it's time to turn off the radio and think about your own back-story.
