A nor'easter blew in on Saturday night and left us without electricity for two days and two nights. It left us in the cold and dark without the ‘benefit' of television, internet or even movies on demand. What it did leave us with was flashlights, candles, a burning fireplace and time to talk. At first, our conversation centered on what was missing (the aforementioned television, etc.), but soon it centered on the many blessings in our lives; our health, our children, the fact that no trees had crashed into our home. It was wonderful that we could just sit and talk by the light of the fireplace, all bundled up on the couch and just exchange thoughts, ideas and laugh. It was truly meaningful and has carried beyond the return of electricity.
What does this have to do with behavioral economics, money and how it impacts our lives? Well, it actually is quite directly related. While our minds are being tempted and distracted by financial institutions' promises of financial nirvana and our hearts are being swayed by the dulcet tones of what car to buy, clothes to wear, food to eat, vacation to take; we are being pulled apart from that which truly makes us happy.
Is it fair to say that we are so distracted by the complexities life, family, work and the ‘shoulds' that we do not take the time to think about what we truly value. If not for the televisions' constant pounding of product, style, flare or definition of success, we wouldn't know what to think or what we need to do in order to be ‘successful'. But remove all that noise and you might discover something very interesting. You might discover that your definition of happiness is not the same as "the worlds' most interesting man", that babies don't really know how to buy stock, that it's not "better in the Bahamas" (warmer perhaps) and that screaming pundits who throw things, blow whistles and act crazy don't really know anything more about creating wealth than anyone else. You might discover that within the space of quiet moments, where only the crackling of the fire serves as soundtrack, that hopes and dreams can be discussed and thoughts and ideas created. Once the idea that each of us has the opportunity and the responsibility to create our own definition of success, we are on the way to developing something very important and real. If we remain under the yoke of marketing messages, peer pressure and the money messages we carry from childhood, we are destined to struggle to find our truth and our real success.
I met with a couple, several years ago; they were financially successful in that they had created a substantial amount of wealth. Both spouses were high paid executives and they were just about finished raising their family. When we discussed what their life after work looked like to them, they had obviously done their homework and knew very clearly what they wanted to do. Their desire was to spend the first several years in retirement as docents in National Parks, where they would live in cabins and tents and give tours. While this couple could certainly do a Ritz-Carlton worldwide tour, this was not in alignment with their thinking or values. They wanted their life to be simple, in nature and together.
Several weeks ago, I met with a client who defined success as being able to have and maintain two residences, one of which needed to be a condo in Boca Raton. Unless he could make that happen, he would consider his life a financial failure. I sat and listened to this statement of ‘fact' without reaction or comment. He continued on, saying how ALL of his friends were able to do so and he saw no reason, regardless of his specific financial condition, why he couldn't count himself among the ranks of his successful friends. I continued to listen to him explain this essential aspect of his definition of success. He suddenly shifted his position and began to tell me of the necessity of being close to his family and seeing his grandchildren grow. Wow, was there inner conflict there or what? First, the message of ‘success' as defined by others, and then the grounded heart-felt desire to be around his family. Meanwhile, his wife sat taking in the scene without comment, but the body language was shouting her disapproval at having to maintain two households, and that there was little she cared more about other than keeping her family close. Other people's definition of success just didn't matter to her. At this point of the meeting, I suggested that they go home, unplug the television, turn on the fireplace and talk about it.
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My name is Michael F. Kay, CFP®. I am the president of Financial Focus, LLC, a financial life planning firm in Livingston, NJ. Our mission is to help our clients create a pathway to creating their unique pathway to their self-defined success. We help our clients integrate their life and their money by looking at their present, their past and their future; their behaviors, attitudes and money scripts. I will be posting stories, thoughts and ideas that hopefully will help you look at your money life from a different angle. After all, it's not just about what happens in the markets, it's how we think, feel and act around money.
Feel free to browse our website at www.financial-focus.net and send along your comments, share a story and let me know if a chord is being struck.
