Fighting Fear

Confronting phobias and other fears

Don't Read While You're Having Sex

Reading a comic book while having sex suggests a lack of interest which will detract from your partner's pleasure. There are other unwritten rules governing sex. Is it possible that sex in suburbia allows fewer occasions for peculiar incidents than sex in the Bronx? Read More

There is more than an

There is more than an unspoken rule against having sex with someone who is asleep or dead drunk. It is a crime. They call it "rape."

Usually but not always

The husband did this because his wife didn't want to have sex. He didn't have her consent so he tried to "go around" the need for it. I was uncomfortable reading this, the first thing to go through my mind was "this is rape."

But this rule doesn't always apply. Only almost always, and if there's any doubt at all, the rule applies.

Occasionally I begin sex with my girlfriend while she sleeps. (Actually I think she always wakes up as I push her into position, but pretends to sleep until the fun begins.)

We talked about this before we ever tried it, and she said the idea excited her. Afterwards, she said she enjoyed the experience and would like to do it again. Normally when we do this, she brings the idea up coyly. It's mostly theatrical.

A person can't consent to anything while they sleep. But a person can give a trusted partner their consent before falling asleep. (Again, if there's any doubt whatsoever, the answer is no.)

Sex is on fire

I have read some strange and bizarre stories involving sex, but I just think is natural for behaviors to trascend in irregular ways. The story you shared about the woman reading a comic book while aving sex is about disinterest, but also about lack of excitement and thrill. If you're reading a comic book while having sex, I don't care who you are, you do have some internal problems developing. They can be resolve. Hopefully

But the next two stories you shared may fall into the category of Crazy News 101. Is bizarre, and at face, abnormal. Having sex while your wife is sleeping? This one may not be as severely bad as it sounds, cause the wife is not interested in having sex, which should raise a flag automatically. I don't know if he's a genius or if he's a freak, but the latter sounds right(lol). I mean, can she not feel it? I'm quite aware about out bodies falling in a paralyzing state when we have fallen in a deep slep. That I understand, but can't the body, I don't know, detect physical touch? And I'm not talking about a minor shove, I'm talking about a deep sensation. You know, the kind of sensation that gets your body into party mode. Forget the ethical, legal or moral aspects, how can you not feel it. She must sleep good. Literally.

But the last one, that one is taboo. I think the guy may experience an irregular sense of nervousness and compulsion. I mean, to constantly open and close a window for a period of time may give insight to your compulsive behavior. And let's not forget about his need to smoke his mothers cig to have sex. Not any kind or any type, his mothers. It may sound taboo, but I can see why Freud was famous. He dealt with taboos(lol). But you know what? Good for him. He has a girlfriend...actually, a steady girlfriend(lol). By all accounts he may be normal, and can display normal activities, like working. But no doubt his eccentricities are interesting, but he has a girlfriend. I don't. He has the last laugh(lol).

I think sometimes people are strange. I doubt your wisdom makes you different, doc. Or even myself, as my uncertifiable observation of these strangers behaviors does not give me a right to question their irregular problems and problematic relationships. But I do have an opinion. And I guess sometimes sex is like pizza. When is good, is good. When is bad, is still good.

Sex during sleep.

As I hinted at in the blog, I thought that the man who was having sex with his sleeping wife had really awakened her and that, for her own reasons, she was pretending to be asleep.
I don't always take at face value everything patients tell me. For instance, there was the woman who came to the hospital with a new-born baby, which she told me was hers. She had not known she was pregnant, she said, until she woke up from a nap and found the baby staring at her from the other end of the couch. Why someone should choose to tell me such a story is beyond me.

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Fredric Neuman, M.D. is the Director of the Anxiety and Phobia Center at White Plains Hospital.

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