Fighting Fear

Confronting phobias and other fears

Dealbreakers in Dating

An account of possible deal breakers in a relationship. A few outrageous examples are given. Read More

"overlook a spouse having

"overlook a spouse having worked as a porn star, even a gay porn star" --aw, come on. How is gay porn worse than other porn types? Is it because you're assuming it's a straight couple dealing with one spouse working in gay porn? That would certainly be two problems to overcome ("OMG my spouse is in porn" + "OMG is my spouse the right orientation for me") but that's dependent on the heteronormative assumption that we are discussing straight couples. The other way gay porn could be worse is if there's some kind of moral judgement against gays. But either way--heteronormativity or moral judgement--please try to keep it out of your published articles.

not really a moral judgment

Many people would hesitate to marry someone who seemed to be of a different sexual orientation. It doesn't seem quite fair to characterize this as homophobia, when it's so logical to suspect that a man who is attracted to other men is likely to lose interest in a female partner.

I agree that when your

I agree that when your opposite-gender partner is a homosexual porn star, that is a cause for concern besides the risk of the porn star profession.

My point was that we are assuming it's opposite-gendered partners we're talking about. The same dual concern does not exist for a homosexual partnership where one partner is a homosexual porn star; in that case, only the one concern exists.

Please reread my comment more carefully. This is the reason I brought up the issue of heteronormativity.

Post new comment

The content of this field is kept private and will not be shown publicly.
  • Web page addresses and e-mail addresses turn into links automatically.
  • Allowed HTML tags: <a> <em> <strong> <cite> <code> <ul> <ol> <li> <dl> <dt> <dd>
  • Lines and paragraphs break automatically.
  • You may quote other posts using [quote] tags.

More information about formatting options

Fredric Neuman, M.D. is the Director of the Anxiety and Phobia Center at White Plains Hospital.


Subscribe to Fighting Fear

Current Issue

Let It Go!

It can take a radical reboot to get past old hurts and injustices.