Children of unfaithful parents also feel betrayed
Of course we cannot know what went through Arnold Schwarzenegger's mind when he decided to have an affair with a household employee. If he is anything like most men and women who are unfaithful, it is likely that he did not think about the affect his behavior might have on his children. In most cases, even when parents who are unfaithful do consider their children, they tell themselves that their sex life is a private matter or that chances are their children will never find out about it. The numerous case histories in my book, Parents Who Cheat: How Children and Adults Are Affected When Their Parents Are Unfaithful testify to the fact that children most often do find out. And when they do, their parent's so-called "private matter" affects them in myriad ways, none of which are beneficial.
When one parent sexually betrays the other, young children as well as teens and young adults often react with shock, confusion, rage, cynicism, sadness, shame or a combination of these responses. Children may be left feeling guilty, hopeless, tainted, or damaged - words they often use in describing how they were affected. As adults, children whose parents cheated are frequently unable to enjoy a healthy relationship because they are plagued by a profound lack of trust, an attraction to partners who cheat, or a proclivity toward infidelity themselves.
No parent would want their child to confront such handicaps, but in the excitement of the moment one's rationality is often outweighed by denial. Parents who are about to engage in an extramarital affair rarely make the effort to rationally weigh the painful consequences against their own transitory pleasure.
And then there are those for whom infidelity is an ongoing pattern and who feel entitled to engage in this behavior due to their celebrity status or position of power. Even if they happen to be parents, they seem to feel no shame or guilt and have little regard for the example they provide. Because such individuals are glamorized in the media and are role models for young people, their behavior unfortunately normalizes what otherwise would be condemned as errant. Only when they are caught do they profess to be remorseful. At that point they rightfully ask the media to give their family privacy. But where was their concern for their children when they were having the affair? Prior to their sexual infidelity being brought to light, weren't these celebrities and politicians perfectly willing to deny their children's feelings?
Did Schwarzenegger ever consider how his children might be affected by his lies and his behavior? Did he ever consider the feelings of the child he fathered with his mistress? My guess is that he did not. Although the consequences of a parent's infidelity are rarely discussed, when an unfaithful partner is also a parent, chances are their son or daughter also feels betrayed-whether that child is five years old or twenty-five.
