Family Secrets

How families are changing and not changing in our multicultural computer-centric world.

by Dr. Ana Nogales

Teens & Contraception: Secrecy vs Privacy

Do parents have the right to know about their teen’s intimate life? Should kids be allowed to keep secrets that could jeopardize their well-being? And when does parental responsibility trump a teen’s right to privacy? Read More

"A Child's Anger Can Be a Warning"

Often even well-meaning parents don't understand their child's angry behavior. Temper tantrums are normal for very young children, and lashing out with angry words is typical for adolescents. But what about threats or actions that go beyond predictable behavior? Read More

Liars and Deceivers

Just like the alcoholic who needs the next drink, lying can become addictive...Unfortunately, it is not easy to change. But it is not impossible. A lie is lying to yourself. You can begin the journey of "coming home." The way out of this vicious circle is in permitting yourself to be who you really are... Read More

Did Schwarzenegger Consider His Children?

Of course we cannot know what went through Arnold Schwarzenegger’s mind when he decided to have an affair with a household employee. If he is anything like most men and women who are unfaithful, it is likely that he did not think about the affect his behavior might have on his children. Read More

Jealousy, Angelina Jolie, and the Rest of Us

Although Brad left Jennifer for Angelina years ago, the tabloids continue to churn out provocative headlines alleging Angie's rampant jealousy: Angelina still jealous of Jennifer! Angie in a jealous rage over Brad's new co-star! Read More

An Uncertain New Year – Let’s Make It Happy

A new year has just begun-a time we associate with renewed energy and hope. And yet I see more unhappy people than ever. What separates the hopeless from the hopeful? Is it within our power to overcome the depressing effects of difficult external circumstances? I believe it is. Read More

Equal Rights - The Secret Threat

The Paycheck Fairness Act failed to pass the Senate last week. Had it passed, it would have limited the defense that employers could use to respond to charges of wage discrimination based on sex. The failure to pass this legislation was a blow to women's rights; specifically, a woman's right to equal pay for equal work. Read More

Facebook versus Face-to-Face

The social network phenomenon gained even greater prominence in our collective psyche this month due to the new movie, The Social Network, which chronicles the origins of Facebook on the Harvard campus. Read More

Should You Give Your Ex a Second Chance?

I have had a number of clients tell me that their decision to break up or get divorced may have been made too abruptly. They confess that if they had understood then what they realize now, they might have been able to get through the crises that led to the split-up. They tell me that they might be more tolerant of an unfaithful, overly critical, or un-ambitious partner-now that they realize that "nobody's perfect." Read More

Should Being Gay Be a Family Secret?

Sexuality stems from our fluctuating emotions, which don't necessarily fall into neat sexual categories. So how can we rigidly define what is "normal"? And how can we fail to accept our child's true nature, even if others label homosexuality as abnormal? Read More

Sexting - What’s the big deal?

It's perfectly normal for teens and preteens to be sexually curious. Sex is fascinating, after all-whether you're thirteen or forty, whether you're years away from engaging in it or deeply involved in enjoying it. A friend told me she remembers when she was about twelve, sneaking into her father's medical library with her girlfriends and pouring over his anatomy texts. Read More

The Sandra Bullock-Jesse James Syndrome

We see it again and again: a beautiful, brilliant, successful woman-the image of what most women aspire to-falls in love after years of carefully searching for the right man. She finally marries him, and then-bingo! Read More

The Secret of Sexual Slavery

Like most people I assumed slavery existed only in history books, that we had abolished it more than a hundred and fifty years ago. To my horror, I was very wrong. Human trafficking is the fastest growing criminal industry in the world and one of our most urgent human rights issues. Read More

What Does Love Have to Do with Domestic Abuse?

When we enter into a serious relationship with someone, none of us expects to be treated badly. We are attracted to the positive qualities in a potential partner, we feel passionately towards them, we often ignore or fail to see any negative attributes, and we fall in love. Read More

Should I Stay or Should I Go? - Making a Decision in the New Year

The beginning of a new year is a time when we promise ourselves we will make important changes. Often we've known for awhile that we want to turn our lives in a new direction, but we can't seem to follow through with such a major shift. Sometimes our inaction involves ambivalence about making the change, lack of will, fear, or all of the above. Read More

Merry or Melancholy?

The holidays can usher in an emotional tug of war-between happy childhood memories and not-so-happy adult tensions. For many, the disconnect between how the holidays felt then and how they feel now can lead to cynicism and even depression. Perhaps when you were a child, your family's festive celebrations, special meals and treats, and brightly wrapped packages made you believe in the magic of the season. Read More

The Thanksgiving Challenge

As we approach the Thanksgiving season, a time when families are called upon to embody a Norman Rockwell sense of togetherness and gratitude, some may feel pressured to become a family they’re not. There is a kind of national obligation to appear to be a close and happy family, even if just for this one meaningful day of the year. Read More

Do Children Learn to Adapt to a Parent’s Betrayal?

When a married parent secretly chooses to become sexually involved with another partner for whatever personal reason-a sense of adventure, a physical or emotional yearning, an antidote to unhappiness with one's spouse or oneself-chances are that he or she has not considered how their children will be affected. Read More

Can You Really Keep a Family Secret?

The Sanford and Edwards infidelity stories bring up a more general issue that touches countless lives: family secrets. Can partners and parents really keep secrets from each other and from their children - or will those secrets eventually surface and become even more painful? Is it always best to tell the truth, even if it means hurting your partner-and your child? Read More

Ana Nogales is a clinical psychologist and well-known media personality, columnist, speaker, and advocate for victims of domestic violence.

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About Family Secrets

Family Secrets explores the issues families often keep under wraps-and what happens when secrets lead to hurt, confusion, and betrayal. How parents and children, husbands and wives, lovers and friends navigate the emotional territory between openness and privacy, closeness and individuality. How cultural influences can enrich or jeopardize our relationships.