But guess who never shows up at the clinic and who are thus never considered when it comes time to draw these "looking back" conclusions about the origins or causes of many emotional and behavioral disturbances in development? The many other so-called difficult babies! That is, the ones who, because of skilled parenting and/or high-quality child care or some other environmental source of support, have developed the capacity to regulate and manage their emotions and, thereby, control their behavior and thus develop the many competencies they now possess. Recall, in this regard, the previously mentioned first graders who started life with difficult temperaments, encountered warm, sensitive, responsive mothering and grew up to be the least troubled and most socially competent children.

This kind of development does not take place overnight, but for those who struggle--and a struggle it is--with the challenge of coping with a highly negative infant, the payoff can be substantial. Doing one's best to manage one's own temper, frustration and exhaustion, so as to provide care that is loving, responsive, warm and, when the time comes during the toddler and preschool years, demanding, consistent and firm, without being hostile or rejecting, often yields a child who is the farthest thing possible from the difficult baby who ends up in the child or family therapist's office.