Ask men and women what they look for in a partner, and they will tell you that they are basically looking for someone who matches well with them in terms of wealth and status, family commitment, attractiveness, health and of course general physical appearance. Take a closer look at who these same men and women end up actually pursuing as potential partners, however, and a quite different story ensues. This, at least, is the result of a recent report in the proceedings of the national institute of science, for which a group of researchers compared people's stated mate preferences with their actual choices in a speed dating context.
For the study 47 speed dating participants were asked to indicate the traits they preferred in a partner, as well as to provide a rating of themselves on these same traits. Afterwards, the researchers compared the stated preferences with actually observed choices during the speed dating session.
As mentioned in the introduction, both men and women stated preferences that match the so called "likes-attract" pattern. I.e. they report preferences for mates who possess attributes that are similar to their own.
When it comes down to actual choice behavior on the date however, the story is all about good indicators of physical condition. For one, the study finds that better looking participants simply receive more offers to meet for another date. Additionally, men appear to be entirely unconcerned with any sort of trait matching, but rather seem to make offers to any female that exceeds a certain attractiveness threshold. This type of behavior, which goes by the name of "avoidance of unattractiveness", indicates that men do not really consider their own desirability when making offers in the speed dating context.
Women, although they seem equally preoccupied with the potential mates physical condition, appear to at least be aware of the importance of their own desirability in the equation. They chose men according to how desirable they rate themselves, instead of simply going for any attractive man.
As a consequence, fairly attractive women were the most selective participants during the dating session. Wealthy or highly educated men also showed slightly increased selectivity, but the general conclusion of this speaks very much for the evolutionary argument of assortative mating as a result of picky female choices.
Since I have been asked about the external validity of these, and other speed-dating studies, I would like to quote the authors of the cited study, who note that