Evolution of the Self

On the paradoxes of personality.

Leon F. Seltzer, Ph.D., who holds doctorates in English and Psychology, is a clinical psychologist and author of Paradoxical Strategies in Psychotherapy. See full bio

January 8, 2009

Attachment vs. Detachment: Finding the Psychological Golden Mean (Part 1)

Dysfunctionally Detached

If in the past we've felt taken advantage of, rejected or betrayed, we may erect stiff (even impenetrable) boundaries to protect ourselves. As a result of our adverse experiences--which frequently take place early in life when we're most sensitive to them--we may harbor anxiety or cynical beliefs about getting too close to others. Read More

December 23, 2008

The "I Feel Like a Child" Syndrome

If our various child parts are not fully integrated into our adult self, we're likely at times to feel like a child inside an adult's body. We won't be able to feel truly grown up because our basic sense of self hasn't sufficiently evolved into the actual adult we've become. Our chronological age, our body, our mind may all say "adult" . . . but our psyche nonetheless continues to say "child."

December 7, 2008

Bonding vs. Bondage: What We Learn from Our Parents

When we bond well with our parents, we're able to feel connected, comforted and secure about our place in the family. Read More

November 20, 2008

How to Confront Others to Confront Themselves (Part 2 of 2)

Getting others to re-examine their dysfunctional behavior by reducing or neutralizing their resistance to change can be quite challenging--at times, daunting. Read More

November 14, 2008

How to Confront Others to Confront Themselves (Part 1 of 2)

As a therapist, I've long been aware that confronting clients only makes sense if it leads to self-confrontation. Read More

October 31, 2008

The Philadelphia Phillies--2008 World Champions?!

The year was 1950. The month was September . . . or was it October? Hard to say since, for me, it was over a half-century ago. I had just reached my double digits, and as a newly minted 10-year-old I needed to have explained to me what it meant that the Phillies had just won the National League pennant. Read More

October 17, 2008

The Power to Be Vulnerable (Part 3 of 3)

Self-Soothing: "The Best Person to Comfort Me Is . . . Me!"

Self-validation is intimately tied to self-soothing. Read More

October 10, 2008

The Power to Be Vulnerable (Part 2 of 3)

Self-Validation: "I Did the Best I Could . . . Read More

October 3, 2008

The Power to Be Vulnerable (Part 1 of 3)

We humans are so wired that the slightest perception of danger leads to feelings of vulnerability, setting into motion the impulse to flee, freeze or dissociate. And that sudden flash of trepidation can be prompted by anything that threatens our sense of control.

September 21, 2008

Our Egos: Do They Need Strengthening--or Shrinking?

The short answer to what might appear a trick question is--well--it depends. On this topic, ironies and paradoxes abound. Whereas "big and strong" are words frequently used to complement each other, so-called big egos are actually diametrically opposed to strong ones. It's something like, "The bigger they are, the harder they fall." Or, simply put, contrasted with big egos, strong egos can take a fall much better. Read More

Personality Basics

Questions of personality have vexed mankind from the dawn of personhood: can people change? How do others perceive me? What is the difference between normal and pathological behavior? One's personality is so pervasive and all-important that it presents a clinical paradox of sorts: it is hard to assess our own personality, impossible to overlook that of others.

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