The remedy for what I've been describing has mostly to do with coming into our own authority as adults. We need to realize that whatever feelings of insecurity may still bother us probably have a lot less to do with the facts of our adult existence than the self-doubts best viewed as "holdovers" (or remnants) from childhood. And one experiential method to help "loosen up" this stuck child deep within us--as well as to facilitate that child's getting over these original feelings of fear, inadequacy, or powerlessness--is through undertaking some sort of internal dialogue.
What I frequently suggest to the people I work with is that when a present-day situation re-stimulates, or "hooks," a child part of them--and in a sense leads that child part to take custody of their adult self--that they explore (through their mind's eye) what this child looks like. Spontaneously, what picture do they get of their earlier self? How old is the child? What might the child be wearing? Just where are they? What's going on? Is there a specific scene or circumstance that dovetails with what that sad, hurt, or angry child is somehow making them feel so intensely right now-that is, as relates to the recent situation currently troubling them? If so, what is it about the present experience that's reminding the child of the past one? How are two somehow analogous? Who's in the past scene? What's being said? How is it affecting them? And what are the physical sensations that get revived when they identify with this earlier, upset child self?
Returning to the present-day provocation, I ask them to re-vivify that part of themselves that may have over-reacted in the moment. (And I might mention here that I seek to reassure them about themselves by helping them to understand that their here-and-now reaction really wasn't "exaggerated" as such. For this reaction included not simply the immediate provocation but also, necessarily, the never-resolved provocation from the past--which unfortunately got "tapped into" by the current situation. That is, their reaction is perceivable as exaggerated, or distorted, only when it's viewed solely in the context of their present frustration.)
Moving to the more "formal" internal dialogue work, I suggest that my client--going back in time to take the child away from the distressing (or even traumatic) experience--ask their child self just how they interpreted the disturbing situation they were in so many years ago. How did it make them think about themselves?--not good enough? not smart enough? not fitting in? weak? powerless? not acceptable? not loveable? and so on. Then I have my client tell their upset child part that they've grown up, grown up to be part of the basically competent adult that's now returned to "rescue" them and help them revise their falsely negative (and out-of-date) view of themselves.
I have the client show the child pictures of themselves by degrees (or years) getting older and older till, eventually, they see themselves as having grown into the adult the client is today. As Shakespeare had the skeptical Othello demand of Iago the "ocular proof," since seeing is believing, that child part of the adult will in time begin to see that they've been trapped in a memory which, till now, has made their self-disparagement or fear chronic. Giving the child fresh data to help invalidate the negative image they formed about themselves so many years ago will help upgrade their sense of self like nothing else. In fact, the process I've just described is extrapolated from a comprehensive therapeutic approach aptly named "Lifespan Integration."
If, personally, we engage in this kind of disciplined work on ourselves, such an endeavor will help enable us to evolve into the fully integrated adults all of us, consciously or not, aspire to be. And the very essence of our evolution depends on our ability to access, make peace with--and then fully integrate--that insecure, self-doubting child that has constrained us in our lifelong journey toward self-actualization.
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