Evolution of the Self

On the paradoxes of personality.

By Leon F. Seltzer, Ph.D.

Criticism vs. Feedback--Which One Wins, Hands-Down? (Part 2)

By Leon F. Seltzer, Ph.D. on June 30, 2009 - 6:35am in Evolution of the Self

What Makes Feedback So Superior to Criticism?

It's hardly a coincidence that the word criticism--though many of its synonyms are not in themselves unfavorable (such as analysis, appraisal, or review)--almost always carries negative connotations. The term feedback, on the other hand, is as likely to refer to something positive as it is negative. . . . Read More

Criticism vs. Feedback--Which One Wins, Hands-Down? (Part 1)

By Leon F. Seltzer, Ph.D. on June 30, 2009 - 6:34am in Evolution of the Self

So What's Wrong with Criticism, Anyway?

It's something absolutely crucial to grasp. Criticizing another makes them feel attacked. Not that it's our intention--at least consciously--to attack them, or even to make them feel bad. But the immediate experience for almost everyone being criticized is to feel "invaded," as though under assault. . . . Read More

Michael Jackson: The Performer Vs. the Person

By Leon F. Seltzer, Ph.D. on June 28, 2009 - 6:19pm in Evolution of the Self

As an entertainer, Michael Jackson was obviously second to none. His spellbinding "pop" artistry was mesmerizing to virtually everyone who watched him perform. And in the few days since his passing, the tributes made to his creative musical gifts have drawn an extraordinary amount of attention. Still, in the past two decades as much probably has been said about Michael's psychological quirkiness (if not downright pathology) as about his prodigious talent. . . . Read More

Sotomayor's Empathy: Will It Lead to Emotional Activism, or Justice with Mercy?

By Leon F. Seltzer, Ph.D. on June 12, 2009 - 9:47am in Evolution of the Self

Prior to reading about conservatives' opposing Sonia Sotomayor's nomination to the Supreme Court, I'd never heard the term empathy used pejoratively. In fact, as a therapist, I'd always seen empathy as one of the most valuable things I had to offer my clients. . . . Read More

Feeling Good--Vs. Feeling Good About Ourselves (Part 2)

By Leon F. Seltzer, Ph.D. on May 27, 2009 - 9:30am in Evolution of the Self

Focusing Less on Feeling Good--and More on Feeling Good About Ourselves

Once we recognize what allows us to feel good only temporarily, we can start searching for more satisfying alternatives. This could take the simple form of changing our diet from mainly junk (or "comfort") foods, to one that's more heart-healthy. Or giving up a daily routine of smoking a joint, or imbibing some beer or wine, to instead devoting ourselves to developing a personal interest, talent or skill--or perhaps even re-thinking our career path. Or we might forego a video game habit and redirect our energy toward cultivating a friendship that won't simply fill an inner void but truly invigorate or inspire us. . . . Read More

Feeling Good--Vs. Feeling Good About Ourselves (Part 1)

By Leon F. Seltzer, Ph.D. on May 20, 2009 - 9:44am in Evolution of the Self

Feeling Good--But Not Necessarily About Ourselves

I think it's safe to say that whenever we feel good about ourselves, we feel good, period. Of course, we could be sick (i.e., not feel very good), but we could still feel just fine about who we are. Barring any health considerations, our most potent safeguard against life's ups and downs is developing the most positive sense of self possible. Thus protected against the "slings and arrows of outrageous fortune," we can almost always feel good--regardless of what's going on in the day-to-day drama of our lives. Read More

The Testosterone Curse (Part 2)

By Leon F. Seltzer, Ph.D. on May 6, 2009 - 10:47am in Evolution of the Self

The Many Woes of the High-T Male

As the literature on high-T males attests, dominant individuals tend to be extremely competitive, and are frequently "endowed" with what's commonly known as the "killer instinct." In sports, such a trait can often be quite useful. In the world of work also, it can, pragmatically, be advantageous--in cutthroat businesses, perhaps even essential. But as regards getting along well in not so narrowly defined contexts, it's almost always a liability. . . . Read More

The Testosterone Curse (Part 1)

By Leon F. Seltzer, Ph.D. on April 28, 2009 - 9:51am in Evolution of the Self

"It's His Testosterone Talking"

Women who've become cynical about men's motives have frequently claimed that their brain can be found between their legs. To get a bit more specific, I might add that this brain can be located directly in the testes--the male's "testosterone factory." Aside from any confounding psychological factors, what primarily determines a man's sexual appetite is, pure and simply, the amount of testosterone (T) in his system. And if his T-levels are high, expect him to show tendencies to objectify, demean, or exploit the opposite sex. Read More

The Wisdom of Spontaneity (Part 5)

By Leon F. Seltzer, Ph.D. on April 22, 2009 - 11:02am in Evolution of the Self

Spontaneity and Happiness

Despite considerable research on the topic, I've discovered very little explicitly relating spontaneity to happiness. Admittedly, it's doubtful that any straightforward, one-to-one correspondence actually exists. Still, what various theorists have said about this ideal state of consciousness suggests that, however indirectly, spontaneity does play a crucial role in its achievement. . . . Read More

The Wisdom of Spontaneity (Part 4)

By Leon F. Seltzer, Ph.D. on April 16, 2009 - 10:30am in Evolution of the Self

The Relationship Between Spontaneity and Creativity

It might be said that all great works of art originate from their creators' ability to trust their inspiration. Allowing themselves to get lost "in the flow" of their craft, there's nothing "mannered" about their creation. It's free of contrivance--immediate, "living," dynamic. Read More