Everybody Marries the Wrong Person

Turning Flawed into Fulfilling Relationships

Hey! Let your freak flag fly!

How many times a day do you get that message?

Don't hold back!  Express yourself!  Be real! 

How many times a day do you get that message?   Reality TV.  Talk shows.  Soap operas.  Movies.  Song lyrics.  Advertisements.  Pop culture puts a lot of stock in being authentic.  

Authenticity 

Most of us associate being authentic with expressing our feelings.  Not that this is a bad thing.  Except when it is.  Like when we justify a tantrum with statements like, "I'm just bein' real here!"  

It's time to free yourself from the profoundly limiting belief that you're being the real you, when you express feelings.  Here's a thought:  Your emotions are separate from and just one element of who you are.  Keeping this fact in mind changes everything.     

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Who am I?

Just for fun and because I'm eagerly anticipating our annual Memorial Day visit to the local frozen custard shoppe, think of yourself as a turtle sundae.  Just as one delicious ingredient alone fails to define a turtle sundae, your emotions alone do not define you.  Like an authentic turtle sundae, the real you has many essential elements.

Now, imagine yourself digging into that turtle sundae.  What do you go for first?  The cherry on top?  A toasted pecan?  A taste of hot fudge?  The element of the turtle sundae that you go for first is the equivalent of your emotions.  Emotions always come first but emotions alone do not define you.  

The real you

Although feelings immediately grab your attention, other elements are equally defining.  The real you is also defined by intellect, intuition, social relationships, memories, dreams, talents, habits, creativity, resilience, sense of humor, and on and on.  Previous posts, Bad Advice: Follow your heart and How to Train Your Dragon, describe when to honor your emotions and how to go about taking command of negative feelings.

I'm off to the frozen custard shoppe. 

For more about the book, visit everybodymarriesthewrongperson.com   

Christine Meinecke, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist and author of Everybody Marries the Wrong Person.

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