When I was about 14 my family and I drove across Canada one summer. The Canadian kids my age had the worst style I could imagine. I felt so cool, with my baggy plaid shorts, t-shirt, and lack of mullet. I assumed they felt the same way, and expected them to whisper to each other "look, that guy's awesome!" In short, I became convinced that everyone in Canada was stupid except me.
Of course, I was being incredibly egocentric. I thought I was cool. They thought I was a total dork. The essence of my problem: I thought other people shared my preferences, even when it was pretty obvious that they didn't. This problem comes up a lot during the holidays.
When you give presents, do you try to expand peoples' horizons? Give them the things that you've come to love? Good for you! But probably not so good for them. Egocentric biases can warp our gift ideas: It's hard to imagine that someone could hate the music, book, or movie that you love so much. But they can.
Have you come to appreciate the spectacular talent of Thomas Pynchon? Or the wonders of Moby DIck? Good for you. YOU read it. But don't give it to your 15 year old niece.
James Surowiecki's book The Wisdom of Crowds argues that large groups often make better decisions than individuals can. And, for example, large crowds of teenagers have decided that Miley Cyrus puts out great music. Now, you might be a fan of experimental jazz fusion. And you might feel that it's an objective fact that your favorite music is better than Miley's. You might even find it hard to believe anyone could think otherwise, when the really listen. Well guess what? It's pretty simple math to figure out that you're wrong.
There's a classic Simpson's episode where Homer gives Marge a bowling ball as a gift. He doesn't really think she'll like it (that's why he gets Homer engraved on it). At least he wasn't kidding himself. The real problem is when we give gifts that we think others will actually like.
I know I'm being a Grintch. I realize that giving a gift that you love is a way of showing your love. But it's also nice to give gifts people actually want. Giving someone a gift that you love, but that doesn't fit them, is sort of like saying "everyone is stupid except me--including you." Of course we don't mean it that way. But what it boils down to is the classic difficulty humans have in taking each others' perspective.
