When you ask my friend Dan what he does, he won't tell you he's Navy, or a Senior Chief, or a Seabee or Special Forces. He'll say, "My job is to keep my sh*t together in the middle of a sh*t storm so my crew can do their job". What Dan is talking about -- in his typically unselfconscious and self-effacing way -- is the notion of the calm, abiding center; that place of psychological and spiritual balance that it is so necessary and healthful for us to cultivate and maintain in the face of everyday, post-modern stress, as well as larger personal challenges.
The construct of the calm, abiding center is a very Buddhist one, but it's not just for Buddhists, or even meditators. It is a practice for any and all of us who wish to maintain a sense of balance and calm inside, when faced with the chaos and conflict that lies outside. Even more interesting is that this concept of the calm, abiding center has a very real application not only within the context of day-to-day living, but in terms of overcoming addiction, toxic co-dependence, and their attendant chaos, all through the vehicle of applied neuroplasticity.
I first came across this idea of the calm, abiding center years ago in the Shambhala teachings of Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche, and later in the Insight Meditation instruction of Jack Kornfield. Trungpa talked about "finding a good seat", while Kornfield refers to the "One Seat". From either perspective, what we're talking about is "meditation off the cushion" - a concept similar to "Yoga off the mat".
The heart of the practice lies in the recognition that we are unassailable, inscrutable, imperturbable; we are safe in ourselves. In fact, we don't even really cultivate the calm, abiding center itself - that's an artifact. What we do cultivate is the self-possession and sense of self-worth that speaks to our own sense of value in the world.
The shift in the structure of our self-perception is the neuroplastic change point, as it empowers us in such a way so as to support our ability to gather an authentic perspective about the chaos and conflict that we are sometimes suffered to confront, and to then stay out of it -- even in the midst of it -- whether that chaos and conflict is self-created, other-imposed, or both.
This brings to mind my friend Mike, a New York City firefighter. Mike can't swim. A while back, he and his wife were returning home, driving over one of the causeways that link Sheep's Head Bay to Belle Harbor and the Rockaways. A car in front of them went out of control, and jumped the rail into the bay. Mike stopped his car, got out and hopped over the rail, dropping 30 feet into the frigid, springtime water. He successfully pulled a woman and her son from the car and walked back up to the road way, where EMS was just arriving. His only comment to his wife when he reached the top of the embankment? -- "That water's freakin' cold". Calm, abiding center.
You could look at that and say, "Oh, he's a hero." or "That's his job." or even "He's nuts." - after all, the guy runs into burning buildings for a living -- but what it really speaks to, in a very practical way, is exactly that sense of self-possession that can work to keep us internally contained and chaos-free, even in a moment of profound external chaos. The inside stays in, and the outside stays out.
In intending this containment, we also need to look at the container. That container is compassed by a clear, discriminative awareness of what is inside and what is outside. Most of us are unlikely to face the external chaos that is daily visited upon Dan or Mike, but the lesson for us in confronting the day to day stresses of post-modern life remains the same.
If what is inside is resiliency, acceptance and allowing, then what's outside really doesn't matter. This is especially important to bear in mind when we are struggling with our own issues and demons surrounding the challenges and conflicts wrought by addiction, toxic co-dependence, marital strife and/or any other manner of personal challenge.
When I teach about applied neuroplasticity, especially in terms of addiction and those things that would take us outside of ourselves and down a dark path, this idea of the calm abiding center is a very important tool to develop and nurture. In its application, it's called "witness consciousness". This is the skill of standing away from something with mindful awareness -- not passivity or denial - and simply and authentically allowing it. In this way, we can, quite literally, stay above the fray and increase our "bandwidth" of tolerance for what is outside, while remaining undisturbed on the inside. This very thing is what keeps us from getting pulled off our center, and potentially down that dark path.
So, try this - the next time things start to unravel, in your world or in your head, let them; let things be what they are, and make an effort to recognize them as they are. Stay out of it, observe it, don't try to control it - just let it be, then interject yourself in a way that is responsive, not reactive.
In letting it be, we allow and, in allowing, we hold space for both ourselves and everything around us -- we can't get drawn off and in because the chaos stays outside. Plainly put, if you don't go down the rabbit hole, you won't find yourself in the dark.
© 2010 Michael J. Formica, All Rights Reserved
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