Enlightened Living

Meaning and mindfulness in everyday life

Ten Elements of Effective Relationships

The other day, a friend pointed out that I very often write from the perspective of what people are doing wrong, as opposed to what they are doing right. Well, here are some things that I have found to be effective elements in a successful relationship; the right stuff. Read More


It does seem simple doesn't it? Sometimes I think men don't realize but it not as painful as they think!

I love, love, love this article. :)


hi thanks for the inspiring articles of 10 things couples do right.... but i have a problem of sharing these thoughts to my husband because the truth is he has his own world doing things pursuing our family. but am not being happy. Please help me what will i do convincing him to believe what am telling. looking forwad.. Thank you so much...

Wonderful tips

These are great tips, Michael. In regards to shared responsibility, yo have to start thinking of it as "our marriage" and not "my marriage"; start think of "we" instead of "I". The way you think about your marriage, and the way you talk about it, can have a deep impact on all aspects of your marriage. You should also find ways to discuss your needs in a more positive way. Focus on using self responsible language to express to your partner what you want to get out of your relationship.

Shared responsibility

I think the author came fairly close with this point when he touched on interdependence but the rest seems to concentrated on the mechanics of a relationship rather than the basis or foundation of a relationship. Often love is thought to be the basis of a relationship but when love is poorly understood or misinterpreted the relationship is on a weak footing anyway. Love is too often thought to simply be a somewhat ethereal combination of physical and mental attraction. It is agreed that this is generally the catalyst for a relationship but I think the true and continuing anchor is feeling needed. Complimentary skills strengthen and enhance a relationship -> where one partner is weak the other is strong. This forms the interdependency and allows the development of self worth in the relationship. For example two people almost exactly the same with the same strengths and weaknesses would generally be a poor match since when it comes down to brass tacks they have no actual need for each other, other than sex. To be supported and to support means that you are needed and that you need. Understanding the strengths and weaknesses of your partner and yourself and the reason/benefits for your being together are the things that allow a relationship to flourish and strengthen once begun. This could mean that the increased prevalence of independence by both people in a couple these days is leading to shorter and less stable relationships today as there is reduced need by both partners. It is probably not important what roles/strengths are assumed by which gender/partner but that they should assumed voluntarily and in agreement and be complimentary to allow self worth and fulfilment.

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Michael J. Formica, M.S., M.A., Ed.M., is a psychotherapist, teacher and writer. He is an Initiate in the Shankya Yoga lineage of H.H. Sri Swami Rama and the Himalayan Masters.


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