Enlightened Living

Mindfulness practice in everyday life.

Michael J. Formica, MS, MA, EdM is a psychotherapist, social scientist, and educator in Westport CT. He is an Initiate in the Shankya Yoga lineage. See full bio

July 3, 2009, Relationships

Comments on "Communication Breakdown: Say the Words, Ask the Question"

Communication Breakdown: Say the Words, Ask the Question

By Michael J. Formica on July 3, 2009 in Enlightened Living

One of what would appear to be the simplest rules of communication - speak your mind - would also appear to be one of the most difficult to enact. The English language is admittedly clumsy, at best - the Inuit have more than 20 words for ‘snow', while we have one; the French, the same for ‘love' and we have, well, one. Yet, rather than making the most of the directness associated with the language, we are more often mired in euphemism, innuendo and just plain oblique reference. Read More

How to speak to those who haven't learned to say no

Submitted by C on July 3, 2009 - 5:37am.

"And, conversely, the conflict created by not being direct is often greater than any the original interaction might engender."

I believe this is what I've said right along.

"Use your words."

Please do.

Good article, productive for both reader and originator. I think people will be able to take this information and use it for good, if they are brave enough to do so.

..I wonder if you would cover the flip side? For those of us who speak our minds and are met with opposition because it's too intense for those who fear reacting to such raw emotion. Sometimes being direct is threatening to those who are not.

Though I don't plan on changing. I thought it would be interesting to explore the side of those who can speak.. but are speaking to those unwilling to receive... or unprepared to receive.

This is very useful to me - thank you

Submitted by S on July 3, 2009 - 10:12pm.

As a person who is terribly fearful of conflict of confrontation and who likely avoids direct communication (or any at all sometimes) often due to that fear, I really appreciate this. I suspect that fear was engendered in me by both my upbringing (the rules - no 'sassing' or *else*!) and by the atmosphere in which I grew up (abusive, violent). So, conflict or even direct disagreement or questioning scares the bejeesus out of me much of the time. Unless I'm so angry I just don't care anymore. Um-hmm. Yea, that's not good. Not good at all and very destructive.

Yes, Michael, I'm still reading you. Need to catch up on the last few articles but I'm still around.

Any luck with that compilation yet?

Hope you're well!

It works

Submitted by Wallaby on August 14, 2009 - 5:21am.

I've been doing this for a few years now, and it wasn't easy at first. Now, I can easily say, "I want the last piece of pizza! Who wants to arm wrestle for it?" or "Yes, your pants are too small. But I think muffin tops are cute. Can you breathe?"

No one can be confused by ME!