Enlightened Living

Mindfulness practice in everyday life.

Michael J. Formica, MS, MA, EdM is a psychotherapist, social scientist, and educator in Westport CT. He is an Initiate in the Shankya Yoga lineage. See full bio

January 6, 2009, Spirituality

Comments on "The Shadow, the Light and the Balance"

The Shadow, the Light and the Balance

By Michael J. Formica on January 6, 2009 in Enlightened Living

Sometimes we need to get our hands dirty. The business of self-inquiry - whether through psychology or spirituality -- is often a messy one and not for the faint of heart. As I am one who could easily be accused of falling into the "airy-fairy-everything-is-beautiful-just-breath-and-it's-all-good" side of things, I'd like to run with this notion of the shadow side of things a bit. Read More

OMG. I got Republican in my Democrat?

Submitted by S on January 6, 2009 - 9:07pm.

Oh noez!

As always, I appreciate your unique perspective. What you said about the parts of us we deny 'coming out sideways' is definitely interesting. I'm specifically thinking what that means for a very controlling person or a jealous person, such as a micromanaging boss or possessive friend or partner, respectively. It can be very difficult to even see, much less acknowledge what is behind those behaviors. Not only does one have to get their hands dirty, but the dirt can be very hard and resistant to attempts to unearth what's beneath it. What can make this an easier thing to do? Any suggestions on approach?

Another aspect I though of was this:

Do you think this is what is happening when, for instance, a person who is publicly against homosexuality is caught soliciting those types of encounters in private? Is that what that is - that they're really denying that part of themselves? Or, is that something else?

Exactly...

Submitted by Michael J. Formica on January 7, 2009 - 3:11am.

S -- And, as always, I thank you for your kind words. There is no easier way. That's sort of the point. The easiest way is to deny the shadow parts of ourselves and just let things "come out sideways" or bubble up or whichever metaphor your choose. As to approach, we have two choices. One is to look at those parts of ourselves that are strongest and seek their motivation (a thing with which I suspect you are familiar). Sometimes it can be very simple stuff, e.g., I have a friend who grew up poor and has since come into money...he now has a habit of overbuying and hoarding (one is good, two is better, three will make him happy) because he is driven by a fear of poverty or being without. No harm, no foul -- his pantry is well stocked and his kids never go without, but his motivation, while in no way destructive, is a bit warped. The other approach is to ferret out our weakest points and seek the darkness within ourselves that drives it. Let's say we are a serial dater -- is that a fear of commitment?...or a fear of abandonment? I have an acquaintance whose fiance has cheated on every man she has ever dated -- why?...she figures if she cheats first, she can't get hurt. Fear of rejection -- a thing that could very well lead to the dissolution of her engagement, should she not resolve it. To your point on public pronouncement versus private behavior -- exactly right. Anytime a person takes a vehement stand on something, even if they don't act out on the premise for that position, it's a fair bet that the strength of that position is driven by an inner conflict to the contrary. Thanks for writing...good to hear from you... Blessings, Michael

Well said....

Submitted by Rashin D'Angelo on January 7, 2009 - 7:09am.

Beyond the personal shadow, we can look at what our nation is not acknowledging. According to Carl Jung, the archetypes in the collective unconscious can take hold of a cultural group in the form of a complex.

I can't help but wonder if our current economic crisis is somehow associated with the lack of individual and societal acknowledgment of our greed...

Rashin

Finding the Shadow

Submitted by Brigit on January 10, 2009 - 5:36am.

Shadows are often behind us so not readily seen. Acknowledging one's shadow means being aware of its existence. You mentioned looking at one's strongest qualities and weakest qualities as a means of finding ones shadow. This means being aware of one's patterns of behaviour. Does the person buying things in abundance, or the serial dater actually recognise that is what he is doing in the first place?

So often I have come across people who for instance drink too much, and when I have said "I think you drink too much," the reaction is - "No I don't." Is this just denial or lack of self awareness?

A bit of both...

Submitted by Michael J. Formica on January 10, 2009 - 5:44am.

Good morning, Brigit... Thanks for writing. In answer to your question, I suspect it's a bit of both. People who are in denial tend not to be so self-aware and people who are not so self-aware tend to not notice aspects of themselves to the point of, sometimes, what we'd consider denial. I guess it's a bit of a self-perpetuating system. Blessings, Michael