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For most of us, the phrase sadomasochism elicits thoughts of a fringy leather-clad subculture that's into whips and chains. As a psychosocial dynamic, sadomasochism is considerably more subtle -- and considerably more pervasive. When the delicate balance of relationship turns into a game of "Who Has the Power?" it generates an endless cycle of submission and dominance between partners. Read More
Very Very true. I am in the
Very Very true. I am in the middle of exactly the same relation with my husband.Right now I decided to separate and he does not understand why I made this decision. I always knew that something was not in balance but I have no idea how to bring a sense of balance here. Or is it even possible to salvage this marriage. We have sought the help of a psychologist. I just have great doubt that it will work.
Salvage...
While I agree with most of
While I agree with most of what you write, and found all of it interesting, I think your use of the word 'sadomasochism' is faulty.
Power and control dynamics are one thing, but ENJOYING, taking pleasure in physical and emotional pain, whether inflicting or receiving, is totally different. I would argue that sadomasochism is a conscious choice by those in the relationship and what roles they assume. If it is not conscious, it is simply an abusive relationship along with whatever psychoanaltyic hangups are present.
Sadomasochism lies in the relationships or extremity, not everyday relationships. Perhaps you just wanted a kitschy title.
Kitschy titles...
Dear Dr. Formica, Let me
Dear Dr. Formica,
Let me clarify: I am not Dr. Connor, although I do work with her.
Like I said, I felt your blog was very interesting. About power and control, as well as dominance and submission, you made your points well. However, what you are describing I would call normal, not sadomasochism; sorry, we're at an impasse with this one. You said yourself that sadomasochism is a strong word but then you apply it to the 'everyday' which is, neither a strong word nor a weak word, just normal. From a strength of language standpoint I just think thats antithetical.
On clarification...
Dr. Formica, After being
Dr. Formica,
After being educated (in brief) on modern psychological and social work theory, I must apologize. I got carried away with my own presumptions on how language should be used; my epistemological weakness strikes again!
I was curious, what would be your thoughts on the sadomasochistic dynamic of competition? With the upcoming Olympics I can't help but try to apply this dynamic to the nature of competition. Although there are various forms of competitions, like races, where multiple people would be reaching for gold (leaving behind the rest as 'losers' [sadistic?]), I think this could contrast very well with 1 v 1 competition: judo, taekwondo, boxing, etc.
Not relevant...
Not so fast
Not sure what you're referring to when you say 'the literature', as if there is only one literature on this topic. In the sexological literature, sadism/masochism and dominance/submission are separate concepts, the first relating to pain and the second to control. Your findings relating to minimizing/maximizing are genuinely interesting but your failure to distinguish between SM and D/S and to consider the issue of consent call your analysis into question.
Wrong...
Let's see...
"As a psychosocial dynamic, sadomasochism is considerably more subtle -- and considerably more pervasive."
He's a psychologist, and he states his point of reference for "the literature" in this thesis. The article isn't about S&M and makes it a point not to sexualize the topic. It's an article on psychosocial dynamics, not psycho-sexuality.
I don't intend to argue with
I don't intend to argue with you on this one - in both psychological and sexological literatures the meaning is the same: it refers to pain, not control, and has done for at least a century. Calling it a 'dynamic' is a weasel word.
But, you are...and...
you're wrong. "Dynamic" has been in the psychosocial literature for more than a century. Weasel word?--really?
Remember that guy Freud and his writings on sadomasochistic psychosocial dynamics. Hmmm. Your view is both narrow and ill-informed. Cite a source or shut up.
I'm very familiar with Freud
I'm very familiar with Freud and the words 'psychosocial' and 'dynamics' do not appear anywhere in his works; they're jargon offered by anonymous trolls to make themselves sound psych-y. And you have lost your reply privileges. Have a nice life, now.
Not all familiar
Regrettably, you are quite incorrect. Freud drew on the work of Brucke. He applied Brucke’s work in dynamic physiology to the personality, thus producing a dynamic psychology, which is the root of the id-ego-superego schema. This was Freud’s great contribution to psychology—the development of psychodynamic theory, which is applied in psychoanalysis and psychoanalytic psychology.
The term psychosocial was actually coined by Jung, who was commented on Freud's dynamic psychology in his "Psychology of Dementia Praecox". So, while the word does not explicit appear in Freud's writings, it is rooted in his original work.
It's probably ill-advised to speak in public about things that you little or nothing about.
infidelity
I found this blog to be very interesting as it relates to monogomy. I think there is a huge misconception that a person who cheats on thier spouse is the dominent one, controlling the other by disregarding agreed upon terms of conduct. In reality, studies show that it is usually the one who feels powerless in a relationship that seeks outside affection possibly in an attempt to shift the balance. This was refreneced in a great book I read called "crazy time", which disects the nature of divorce and coupleship.
Exactly...
Right idea, wrong word.
I just stumbled on this article, and know it was written a while ago, but need to point out an error in usage: Sadomasochism is about pain. You are talking about Dominance and submission. These are considered, by people who consciously engage in them, considered separate things. Yes, there is often overlap, but power exchange is clearly a different set of dynamics than giving/receiving pain - and I think it's important to distinguish.
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