Enlightened Living

I see it as important for people to try and understand thier kids but I believe immaturity may make it impossible for a kid to understand a parent fully. The logic is likely already there. A teenager knows full well that a tattoo is permanent and that they may not like it later, what they aren't able to do yet is emotionally understand the consequence even when it's presented to them. They don't visualize the emotional fall out with much clarity. This skill simply seems to come later in life and was mentioned in another blog on this site referring to risk taking.

In response to the if "Janie jumped off a cliff", I remember with perfect clarity the hypocrisy my parents used. They would compare me in some instances saying "Well Lisa studies for 2 hours every night" , later turning the argument around and saying "Well Lisa isn't you, just because she's going
to the concert doesn't mean you should." I think I threw them for a loop when they pointed out that Lisa told her parents more and I relplied "So, If Lisa jumped off a cliff, doesn't mean I should."
:)

I agree 100% with Micheals thesis. When I was 16, I hit a rough time with my parents - especially with my mom. We were constantly fighting, arguing, making each others life difficult. I wanted more freedom (in Germany, a 16 year old can go out, drink alkohol etc) and of course, I thought that my parents were too strict.
I was making plans to move out and together with a male friend (also 16): we could have moved in the appartment of his grandmother (cheap rent, we both worked in the local movie theater and could have afforded it) and everything seemed perfect.
One evening, I "informed" my parents about my decision. I anticipated a lot of fighting and eventually even a total cut off (in the sense of: Once you are moved out, you are on your own). Instead, after the first shock, my parents were talking to me the whole evening, asking me why, the details of our plans and gave their concerns. They gave me the big picture, treating me like an adult by respecting my wishes and helping me to make the decision ultimately on my own. By painting the daily routine of living on my own, they slowly changed my mind. They talked about expenses I had not taken in account, time spent on shopping, cleaning, cooking, laundry.., the scenario that our friends would hang out every night at our place (no parental supervision) and that we had to deal with them and "adult things" all by maintaining my grades. I listend and my determination started to weaken. I slept over it and the next day, I discussed it again with my friend. It was the first time that we looked at the other side of living on our own. Before, we only saw the freedom we would have. At the end of this week, we both decided that we rather live with our parents and their restrictions than on our own with the responsabilities and duties it would have come with.

I am 30 now and still appreciate how my parents handled the situation then. It was a turning point in our relationship. By feeling respected and taken seriously, I started to trust their decisions more and stopped fighting everything they said.

While not being heard is the main complaint in the lives of many teenagers (or people in general) I think tattoo's might not be the best topic to support that, although it may be the truest of statements. People crave to be heard and understood, especially by family.

Were this any other issue besides tattoo's, I'm sure your logic would fly (about explaining consequences.. as I have been in bad situations many times i was "warned" about) but let me comment on the topic at hand. Tattoo's can get personal.

Much of what you say is true about giving an adolescent a listening ear and a good talking to but what may be more true is the concept of "right of passage". In my opinion, America's culture is dull and unrewarding, consisting of a mix of other cultures, baseball and white picket fences (we wish we could afford).

In trying to find self worth and identity teenagers think about marking themselves when the law finally gives them the right to do so.

If you ask any teenager today if they've thought about tattoo's I have a feeling none of them would say, "i've never really thought about it". Most of them have, even if their thought is, 'it's not for me'. They'll give you a solid reason why they would or would not have a mark on their body.

While there was a wave of tribal fashion on men and butterflies on women, more often than not, the pieces people choose to display have real meaning.

I was never told one way or another about tattoo's and when I turned 18 I was ready for my own symbol that I had thought about for years. Most people who say they wouldn't get one, in the same breath would say "But if I did, it would be..."

Part of the reason I think people like the idea of tattoo's is because it's not only a bold passage but a brave one. It IS there for life and for those of us who choose something carefully, it tells part of your story... and people will ask. So in displaying your art, you expose part of yourself.

Also, this is not like being allowed to pierce your ears or buy a lotto ticket. It is when your body becomes your legal responsibility and you have the right to deface it, beautify it or leave it clean. You parents can't erase it and no one can really stop you. It represents independence for making a life long decision. The first of many more rights given to you as you grow.

So as there are many adolescence who tattoo to defy giving it a bad name and bad rep, many more of them have a deeper understanding of what they are doing to their bodies than they are given credit for. It's the first signs of their creativity and personality making themselves known.