Emotional Sobriety

Your essay is a breath of fresh air in a society saturated with profit-motivated messages not only to purchase happiness, but to believe that ecstatic happiness is what everyone deserves all the time. I'm with Eleanor Roosevelt, believing that happiness is a byproduct, not an end in itself. I also am tired of all the self-help "literature" out there promoting the philosophy that we are perfectible and that because we are perfectible we are remiss if our focus isn't always on perfecting ourselves. It fosters narcissism, not healthy individuals or communities. When people express unhappiness in relationships, it's important to remember that maybe there's something wrong with their expectations, not with their partner per se, as long as the partner is acting in good faith, with good intent, honesty, kindness, un-manipulative behavior and without the complications of substance abuse/other addictions. It is normal to feel the pain of rejection when one becomes the scapegoat for a partner's existential angst; it's important to keep in mind that we are not our brother's--or lovers'-- keepers, nor are we the vessels of their happiness.

Your essay is a breath of fresh air in a society saturated with profit-motivated messages not only to purchase happiness, but to believe that ecstatic happiness is what everyone deserves all the time. I'm with Eleanor Roosevelt, believing that happiness is a byproduct, not an end in itself. I also am tired of all the self-help "literature" out there promoting the philosophy that we are perfectible and that because we are perfectible we are remiss if our focus isn't always on perfecting ourselves. It fosters narcissism, not healthy individuals or communities. When people express unhappiness in relationships, it's important to remember that maybe there's something wrong with their expectations, not with their partner per se, as long as the partner is acting in good faith, with good intent, honesty, kindness, un-manipulative behavior and without the complications of substance abuse/other addictions. It is normal to feel the pain of rejection when one becomes the scapegoat for a partner's existential angst; it's important to keep in mind that we are not our brother's--or lovers'-- keepers, nor are we the vessels of their happiness.

Thank you so much for this thoughtful comment. I identify with your frustration in the countless, subtle and not-so-subtle messages we receive that perfection is an attainable and worthwhile goal. I am inspired by your articulate feedback and appreciate you taking the time to share it!