Emotional Sobriety

Recovering from substance addiction—without becoming addicted to spirituality.

by Ingrid Mathieu, Ph.D.

The Secret to Serenity

There’s a saying that our serenity is inversely proportional to our expectations. In other words, the extent of our entitlement or need for things to look a certain way determines the extent of our unhappiness. This makes sense for the simple fact that when we focus on what we don’t have, we feel distraught and disappointed. Read More

Being Open

Opening up to life and all it has to offer, without opportunities and adventures getting trampled on by fears of the unknown or what we think we know. Read More

Starting From Where You Are

I don’t know about you, but I usually wish that I were five steps ahead. There is this idea that “further along” is better. I imagine that I’ll feel more settled, have more resources, more smarts, less fear and less of a desire to be further along. But then I arrive those five steps and I feel the same way. I’ve “arrived” but I’m still longing to be somewhere down the road. Read More

Authenticity Unplugged

Can you remember a distinct, personal and private moment from your past? One where you felt connected to yourself, your purpose, or your essential nature? Read More

To Thine Own Self Be True

"To thine own self be true" is one of the underlying tenets of recovery. But how do we honor this wise sentiment by Shakespeare? One way is to check in with the "me" that I'm trying to be true to. Checking in can involve slowing down, writing, meditating, and noticing what we are experiencing rather than running on autopilot. Read More

Self-Care During the Holidays

I've heard from many clients over the years that they have an irrational fear that if they take care of themselves—no one else will. It's as though there is only so much responsibility one can take before they shut the door on connection with others. Read More

Spiritual Principles: the Ultimate GPS

One of the gifts of living according to principles is that they can support us no matter what our history, our patterning, or our circumstances. They can orient us when objective realities have lost their command. Spiritual principles become the optimal navigation system. Read More

Redefining "Wrong Turns" on the Road of Emotional Sobriety

The path of spiritual and psychological development is not linear. In short, this means that we can toss out the idea that we are supposed to get better and better, day-by-day, eventually reaching a pinnacle of perfection. In reality, development is not only continual, but it is cyclical in nature. Read More

The Set Aside Prayer

How many times have you discovered that you are actually standing in your own way? Old habits die hard. Old thinking seems entrenched. Long-held fears are holding tight and opening up to new possibilities and new story lines seems impossible. Read More

The Joy of Sublimation

I write a lot about the importance of feeling our feelings. I understand that this can be a tall order and that sometimes, we need some help in the matter. One thing I often suggest to my clients is experimenting with creative expression. If the words "creative expression" have already sent you packing, I beg you to hang in there a bit longer. Can you remember when you were young? Read More

Beware of Spiritual Bypass

There are so many promises out there that this path, or that practice will allow you to live in a perpetual state of bliss, achieving all of your goals, becoming rich and thin in the process. And who doesn't want that? Read More

The Problem Is Not the Problem

The word "problem" gets a bad rap. We think that it means something is wrong or bad and often try to get rid of it. Sometimes, we use spiritual practices or positive thinking in an attempt to erase our problems. But spirituality isn't an eraser. In my experience, spirituality is a container for the entire human experience, including the experience of problems. Read More

Permission to Be Human

When we are having a hard time in life, people can respond with the following: Read More

The Right Tool for the Job

In responding to comments on an earlier post, I realized that much of my writing could be boiled down to finding "the right tool for the job." Every tool has a purpose, and conversely, a place where it's of no help whatsoever. The same is true when it comes to emotional sobriety, spiritual seeking, and our physical well-being. Nothing is a panacea. Read More

Feelings, What Feelings?

One of the hallmarks of addiction is using substances or other behaviors to escape what you're feeling. Even in recovery, there are subtle ways that one can escape his or her experience. Perhaps you can identify yourself in these feeling-fleeing strategies:

Distract: "I checked Facebook two minutes ago, but maybe I should check it again."

How many times have you heard the question, "would you rather be right, or happy?" It's always made me a little nuts; because quite frankly, most times I say, "right, please." I've recently started to have a change of heart in this matter and hope you will oblige me in exploring the idea of choosing happiness. Read More

So, I was Levitating the Other Day ...

Ok, so I wasn't actually levitating. I was probably doing something more like procrastinating or ruminating, something much less fabulous than levitating. I was probably wishing that I was levitating, or at the very least, looking like I was levitating. But I wasn't. And I'm not. The cat's out of the bag. Read More

Sucker for a Happy Ending

We can all tell the story of our past experiences and wrap them up in a big red bow. We can highlight the lessons we've learned and the ups and downs, that usually end on a triumphant "up." But when we are in the thick of things, without any sort of happy ending, how can we stay present to our circumstances? Read More

When Vision Becomes Tunnel Vision

Having a vision is a powerful tool. It means that you are honoring your goals, aspiring towards them, and taking risks to expand your horizons. But sometimes our visions for ourselves subtly turn into tunnel vision. We can't see anything that contradicts our intentions and desires. We get selective perception, which limits our ability to remain open and to see things clearly. Read More

Becoming More of Who You Already Are

We've all received countless messages throughout our lives telling us that the goal is to be somebody. It's the American Dream. We get it from the media, from our families and our friends. Read More

What Is Emotional Sobriety?

What is emotional sobriety? Some might think that it means being "happy, joyous, and free," a common adage in 12-Step meetings, taken from AA literature. Of course, people like this definition. It means that if they work a good program, they will achieve physical sobriety (abstinence) and become happy in the process. Read More

Ingrid Mathieu, Ph.D., specializes in the intersection of spirituality and addiction. Her book, Recovering Spirituality, centers on the problem of using spirituality to avoid real recovery.

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