Emotional Fitness

Harness the power of emotion to deepen your love with your partner, become more successful at work, and more

Make Sex More Intimate

More Romance Has to Happen Outside the Bedroom

One of the things that successful relationships all seem to have in common is that the couples in them share intimacy on a regular basis. Those who do this have the best chance of getting over the rough patches and maintaining a long-term relationship, because they seldom doubt the love of their partner.

After several years of being together, many couples may feel that their sex life has gotten comfortable, perhaps a little too comfortable. According to a recent article in Newsweek, a survey of couples in the prime of their lives said they had sex less than ten times a year. Experts agree that although the “In Love” feeling can fade between six months and two years, sex can get better and better with the passing of time and the deepening of intimacy.

Sex is obviously a large portion of intimacy, but it is only one part. Kissing or tightly holding one another are also very important in the intimacy quotient. I always suggest that couples share a ten-second hug and kiss when they see each other at the end of the day.

In order for a relationship to be truly intimate, affection has to be exchanged throughout the day. Have coffee together in the morning, talk on the phone during the day and on your way home, exchange emails, and greet your partner at the door. These all help build intimacy and enhance your love live.

Most people want their sex life to be hot and intimate, and it all starts by letting your partner know that this is what you want. You could begin by asking them to read this article. Take time for what’s most important – being together. Put the bills, housework, and phone calls to the side once in a while. Try making-out on the sofa before going to bed, experiment with having sex in different places, or in different ways. Remember that intimacy is built on a bedrock of trust, so always be conscious of your partner’s comfort level.

There are dozens of books on how to liven up your sex life and increase intimacy. I prefer ones that give you actual techniques that couples can use in and out of bed to strengthen their intimacy. What this resource and others like it can help couples do is to build comfort and learn more about each other, which is what makes a person feel safe enough to be sexually open. The stability of a long-term relationship helps to create a healthy sex life because it’s difficult to freeze out a person you are intimately and sexually attached to.

Couples that look for new ways of relating sexually and work to develop a deeper intimate connection share many additional benefits. Not only will your relationship be healthier, but numerous studies show that your individual emotional and physical health will also be better. It's common knowledge that married people outlive their single counterparts. Mature couples also report that, though sex is less frequent than it was in years past, it is still fun, often more satisfying and it enhances their ability to enjoy life.

So with all these reasons to work on and maintain an intimate relationship, the only question left is why are you still reading this article?

 

 

 

 

Barton Goldsmith, Ph.D., is a psychotherapist, columnist, and radio host. His latest book is The Happy Couple: How to Make Happiness a Habit One Little Loving Thing at a Time.

more...

Subscribe to Emotional Fitness

Current Issue

Just Say It

When and how should we open up to loved ones?