Emotional Fitness

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When It’s Time to Find Love Again

There really is someone out there who wants to be with you and only you

It seems that Summer is a good time to start fresh. And for some, that means finding a new relationship.

Although doing so is fraught with pitfalls and mishaps that could only happen on Pandora, millions of people summon up their courage and write a personality profile in hope of meeting a potential new mate. The drive to connect deeply with another human being is something so ingrained in many of us that even the fact of our difficult pasts will not deter us from this quest.

Once you have posted a picture and sent a few “winks,” your next adventure will be getting (or sending) an email to a likely candidate whose pic and profile catches your eye and imagination. The key here is not to get overly excited before you actually have met someone. I’ve heard of people falling in love with a picture, and you need to remember that not everyone is honest, and sometimes the pictures people post are a decade old.

Honesty on the Internet can be elusive. Some people post their age and then confess in their write-up that they lied about how old they were so they’d show up in your search (and, of course, they look and feel years younger than they are), which may be true, but starting off with a lie can’t insure a good future. I recommend being truthful about everything because the person you date will find out sooner or later.

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No, the Internet isn’t the only place to find love, but statistics from the largest site are saying that one out of five marriages these days are between people who met on a dating site. If you are still wondering if you should give it a try, ask around and see how many couples you know met online. And get a few tips while you’re at it.

If the Internet is not your cup of tea, and the bar scene isn’t your shot of tequila, you may be able to meet your true love through a mutual friend. The trick here is to ask the couples you know to help you out and make some introductions. Going through friends makes the dating part a little easier because you can start out getting together as a group, which takes some of the pressure off.

I also believe that joining organizations that reflect your values can be a good way to meet like-minded singles. Service groups of all types, as well as houses of worship, usually have singles activities throughout the year.

You see, there really is someone out there who wants to be with you too, but don’t expect him or her to come knocking on your door. The more energy you put into your search, the quicker love will find you.

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Barton Goldsmith, Ph.D., is a psychotherapist, columnist, and radio host. His latest book is The Happy Couple: How to Make Happiness a Habit One Little Loving Thing at a Time.

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