Emotional Fitness

Harness the power of emotion to deepen your love with your partner, become more successful at work, and more

The Importance of Romance

It's fun, it's exciting, it makes you feel good, so why not do it more?

Romance has got to be one of the most fun and least executed activities in many relationships. With all the distractions we have in our busy lives, it seems many couples never find the time to be romantic, and that can lead to love’s demise.

Romance has got to be one of the most fun and least executed activities in many relationships. With all the distractions we have in our busy lives, it seems many couples never find the time to be romantic, and that can lead to love’s demise.

Romance is about getting closer, and there is a big difference between sex and romance. In most relationships, if you want the former to be great, you have to fully engage in the latter.

Romance needs to be a constant in your universe. Being romantic is not much work, and savoring romantic moments will actually strengthen your bond.

Most people don't try romantic activities because they simply don't know how. Here’s a hint: there are no secrets to romance. Most of the time, everything we need to know is right under our noses. Anyone who has ever watched a romantic movie knows enough to get the ball rolling.

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Through a little trial and error and lots of conversation, the two of you can create the kind of romance that would put Romeo and Juliet to shame. In many cases, all it takes is some encouragement to take a risk and a little appreciation for your partner's efforts (even if they fall a little short). Romance, like life, is seldom perfect, but it can be fulfilling no matter how it differs from what you've seen on the silver screen.

The real truth is that romance needs to be a normal part of your lives, and though it's not possible to live life like a Victorian novel, you can have a pretty hot twenty-first century relationship. One of the tricks is to take advantage of any opportunity to learn more about romance and, most importantly, what it is that your partner perceives as romantic.

There are some wonderful books on romance, like Laura Corn's "101 Nights of Grrreat Romance," which has separate sections for his eyes only and for her eyes only. There's also "1001 Ways to Be Romantic" by Greg Godek, which has lots of little things you can do to make your partner feel wonderful and be inspired to return the favor.

Getting tips from a book is good, but having a loving conversation with your mate about what it is that turns him or her on is really the best way to make your relationship romantically enduring.

What works for you may or may not work for the one you love. Remember, it's a gift of trust when your partner takes the risk of revealing his or her preferences to you. You may be surprised at how easy it is to create more sizzle and less static with a simple gesture or action.

Real-life romance is something I encourage you to engage in every day. Just give it a try. Many times it's all about the little things and just going with your heart. Trust that your desire to create romance is enough to get things started, and give it your own spin. The results will have you making your friends very jealous.

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Barton Goldsmith, Ph.D., is a psychotherapist, columnist, and radio host. His latest book is The Happy Couple: How to Make Happiness a Habit One Little Loving Thing at a Time.

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