Emotional Fitness

Harness the power of emotion to deepen your love with your partner, become more successful at work, and more

7 Ways to Create More Love In Your Relationship

What you want from your relationship is usually within reach.

Some folks exercise daily. Others watch everything they eat and that they put on and in their bodies. Millions of people do everything they can to stay or get in shape physically, and that’s a good thing. But what about our emotional selves and our relationships? Do we put as much energy and time into those vital parts of our lives? Most people do not. Here are some tips to help boost the emotional energy that will create loving and lasting bonds.

• Talk, e-mail, and text daily. Keeping in close contact throughout the day will make you both feel closer—and it does wonders for your love life. We all need to know that the one we love thinks of us often. If staying in touch throughout the day is difficult, make sure you connect as often as possible.

• Say “I love you” at appropriate times. Hearing the words makes a difference to most people. You may think they know, but the truth is that everyone wants the verbal reassurance, provided it doesn’t come from a place of desperation. If this is the case, you’d best seek some advice on how to rebalance the relationship.

• Make plans to do something you love with the person you love. You may not be able to do something every day, but knowing you will have the opportunity soon will give both of you something to look forward to, and that builds your happiness bank account.

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• If you are holding on to old anger toward yourself or someone you love, learn to let go of it. As simple as it sounds, we all know that letting go of anger takes self-discipline, patience, and plenty of internal strength. The benefit is that you will rediscover and open a receptive heart that now has room in it for more warmth and affection, rather than rancor.

• In new relationships, give yourselves some time to get to know each other. In longer-term relationships, it’s just as important, if not more, to spend time together. Talk about your history (or herstory) and let your partner in on some of your past that he or she may not know about. It will bring you closer, guaranteed.

• Allow yourself to trust your partner. We all have doubts in certain areas, where we find it difficult to completely trust the other person. It might be concerning money, or the kids, or any number of other issues where trust is missing. The important thing here is to talk about the issue and then make an effort to recover what was lost. Give your partner the opportunity to show you he or she has grown.

By doing this emotional homework, you will give yourself and your relationship the opportunity to get back on a positive track and enjoy the fulfillment it brings. What both of you want from the relationship is usually within reach. Begin with a gentle discussion and then give it your best effort in following through. Remember that a relationship worth having is worth cultivating.

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Barton Goldsmith, Ph.D., is a psychotherapist, columnist, and radio host. His latest book is The Happy Couple: How to Make Happiness a Habit One Little Loving Thing at a Time.

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