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I think it's easy to make things more complicated than they need to be. Here are some basic rules of the relationship road that will keep you headed in the right direction Read More
Encouraging!
Why is it we can know these things to be true, but still behave selfishly and stay unwilling to be the first to make the changes?
Past memories may cloud your mind!
I am not an expert, but a regular PT reader like yourself. This is my opinion on why we still behave selfish and unwilling to budge, at a time of conflict.
When we are in midst of a tiff, our emotions cloud the mind to a point where we are not so rational. The emotions themselves might arise from past memories where others have subdued us or threatened us. Though your partner may not be a threat at this time, your emotions may make you liken him/her with the threatening influence from the past. So, we fight that 'threat' and not budge from our stance and we have a less chance of initiating changes.
Like Dr.Barton says in #3, our own fear and pain may be reason why we add our share to arguments and conflicts. Hope this helps.
excellent point! this really
excellent point! this really helps to remember
've asked myself the same
've asked myself the same question over and over while in the midst of chaos in my own relationship, but the fact that when we are in the situation, it's only natural for us to behave accordingly because of the heated emotions. However, I found when we are away from the situation and especially when we are happy with ourselves and with our relationships, we can step back and act accordingly...with less selfishness and more willingness to compromise.
Anger is not a waste of time,
Anger is not a waste of time, it is a valid emotion that everyone feels as an indicator that they have been hurt or feel violated and that something needs to change. When I am angry I want my husband to know, he can either respond by telling me I shouldn't be angry and why or that I do have a point there and what will change as a result. Anger is healthy in realationships and sweeping it under a rug will cause problems later. Sometimes I get livid and if I'm about to say something I don't mean I walk away, but I think it is healthy he know whether I am slighty perturbed or shaking mad, and I value his anger just the same.
Yes, anger is an important
Yes, anger is an important indicator. If you're angry, that's good information that something is affecting you. I agree with the author, though, that dwelling on anger will only increase the problem. Notice your anger, and do something about it so you can let go of the anger.
I love the advice on getting a yearly tune-up!
do you dwell on it?
Obviously you are rational enough to not dwell on anger too long. So you may not see what a colossal waste of precious life's time it can be.
Best friends
Though the other commenters have brought up some great points contesting the article, it does ring very true for me in the idea of becoming best friends. I was in a long-term relationship before this one that didn't work, but now the person I'm with is absolutely my best friend in the whole world and it's wonderful. Everyone thinks being great friends will make you too comfortable and take the mystery out of it, but I can say from experience that it just makes our connection stronger. I can't wait to see him every day so we can talk about everything. Be with your best friend, if you can - it's given new meaning to life for me.
i think another vital tip, in
i think another vital tip, in both friendships AND love, is to recognise intent of actions. Sometimes our feelings are completely unwarranted simply because we believe that our partner has done something purposefully to draw some reactions, often this is not the case. I don't know how many times I have asked friends and family what they thought the intent of their partner's actions were and almost always they have never thought this part through, all they know is that they are pissed off at something and assume their partner had the intent of pissing them off.
In my opnion
My two favorite truths about this are Give what you want to get and to honor your partner. It's important to give the way you would like to receive because you then treat each other with respect. Who actually wants to be yelled at? Not you right? Neither does your partner. Honoring your partner is important because they dont have to be there. They have a choice to leave so give them a reason why its a better life with you than without you.
Very good advices. Thx!
Very good advices. Thx!
This article is very
This article is very important for me. I am outgoing and talkative. I want to make more friends. The most impotant factor of keeping good relationship is how to do to make it stuble.As for everyone, friends are most value things in his life.Anyone needs friends, especially true friends who can help you when you need help.I believe this kind of friend is less and less. Make more true friends in your life.Treat your friends from the bottom of your friends, I think your friends will be likewise.
Great advices!
Yes..this advices are great if everyone could try them.
Great advice
The most important for me is to be very good friends and to give first to receive
Reason
I've asked myself the same question over and over while in the midst of chaos in my own relationship, but the fact that when we are in the situation, it's only natural for us to behave accordingly because of the heated emotions. However, I found when we are away from the situation and especially when we are happy with ourselves and with our relationships, we can step back and act accordingly...with less selfishness and more willingness to compromise.
Useful advises. I think these
Useful advises. I think these tips will help people to have a healthy relationships ;) Take care http://www.cigs4girls.net/
Great advises. They are good
Great advises. They are good for a really great relationship ;) http://www.cigs4girls.net/
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