Emotional Fitness

Harness the power of emotion to deepen your love with your partner, become more successful at work, and more

Talk About Your Problems, Please

Talking helps you see how to get through a problem.

The problem with problems is that they don't come one at a time. They generally appear in clusters and sometimes they even have puppies. When one is taken care of, another pops up to take its place, and you wonder to yourself, "What did I do to deserve this?"

No, it isn't Karma-you aren't being punished-it's just life. Combine the economic woes that we can't seem to fix, issues that arise in any normal relationship, plus the unexpected upsets that besiege our day, and it's understandable that there will be times when your mood reaches a low point.

There's no quick fix or Pollyanna affirmation that's going to change things. The truth is that you have to trudge forward until you can make them change. Perhaps someone else can help, but chances are they can't take away your troubles.

A lot of people think that there's a magic bullet that could make it all better. Well, it can help you feel good when someone touches your heart, but on the other hand, if you are struggling with personal or professional problems, they can be a burden on a relationship-especially if you refuse to talk about it.

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Not wanting to look bad in the eyes of the person you admire may keep you from sharing what's on your mind. The truth is that if someone loves you, he or she will help you deal with your dilemmas. Talking about it can help shed light on how to get through a problem. That's also how therapy works.

You may find that brainstorming with another person or even a group will help you find new ideas to help you move forward. When you know someone has your back, that emotional support can make all the difference.

If you have been sitting on your stuff to the point where it's starting to hurt, it's time to let it out. How you choose to do it is up to you, but just keeping your pain inside will eventually lead to some kind of a meltdown.

Learning that it's okay to talk about our problems can feel a bit like a trip to the dentist. You know that the discomfort will stop once you get the tooth fixed, but you don't want to go though the process because it hurts too. And sometimes, with emotional issues, you may be embarrassed to share what's really going on for you. That's why it's so important to talk with someone who is comforting and nonjudgmental.

There will always be problems in our lives, but sometimes we don't have the capacity to handle them all by ourselves. Getting a 360-degree view is impossible when all you can see is what's going wrong. And talking with another person can give you perspective.

Just know that you can minimize your problems by discussing them with those you trust. Give your pain a voice, and let someone listen. You will be amazed at how much weight will be lifted off your shoulders.

 

 

Barton Goldsmith, Ph.D., is a psychotherapist, columnist, and radio host. His latest book is The Happy Couple: How to Make Happiness a Habit One Little Loving Thing at a Time.

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