Every now and then, even the most loving of couples will get into an argument that may rattle the windows and will definitely rattle the hearts of those involved. Experience dictates that most of the power in these unfortunate encounters comes from unhealthy behaviors.

Check it out. Recall the last time you and your mate argued with each other. Did either or both of you bring up past issues? This is done to deflect responsibility and avoid discomfort. It usually makes the issue worse and may create additional problems.

Instead of getting defensive and escalating, here are some additional tools you can choose to use that will help you avoid hurting your relationship or shutting down your own heart.

Choose your words carefully. Don't swear or use inflammatory language. Say what's on your mind and in your heart in a way that won't make your partner defensive or angry. In the heat of the moment, this can be challenging, but a careful consideration of what is being said can make the difference between a resolution and a battle.

Don't raise your voice. When someone is yelled at, it can feel like they are being assaulted. Raising your voice is a form of verbal abuse and can be very frightening for people of all ages and sizes. Children are especially vulnerable, but I've never met anyone who liked the experience. Try being an adult and sharing your feelings without raising your voice to get your point across. By yelling, what you are really doing is expressing your own pain through anger. Don't do it.