10 Tools To Help You Try Harder At Love

Remember the Avis car rentals advertisement, "We're number 2.We try harder"? For those whose relationships (personal or professional) are in trouble, trying a little harder may be the answer. Here are ten tools that I have seen numerous pairs use to tune each other up and keep their love lives on the road to happiness.

1. Eliminate critical comments. Saying hurtful things will push anyone away. Think about your choice of words carefully, and before you decide whether to tell him or her off, imagine how your partner would respond.

2. Make meals and eat together. This is one of those overlooked tools that really helps couples connect. It isn't just food for your body; when four hands and two hearts are involved, it becomes food for your soul.

3. Talk about your day, everyday. Let your partner in on what's going on in your world. Share the battles at work or the crazy things your kids did today. Talk about anything and everything, and always be respectful.

4. Spend more time together. Carve out a few minutes in the morning to have coffee. Call or e-mail during the day, and make sure you greet each other with a long hug when you reconnect at the end of the workday. Also try to go to bed together a half-hour earlier than usual.

5. Don't let the hurt fester. Issues arise because somewhere along the way someone got hurt. Talk about the pain and do everything you can to help each other heal. Remember that in order to be forgiven, you have to show remorse.

6. Give it some time. Try for a month and then reevaluate. If it's working, then give it two more months to solidify. If you can make it for ninety days, it's a strong sign that there's a good bond.

7. Stay empathetic. Put yourself in your partner's sneakers and imagine what he or she is feeling. Avoid selfish behaviors, and remember that it's not about you; it's about your relationship. Learn to share your emotions with your mate.

8. Argue with respect. You are going to bump heads - count on it. The trick is to be able to have a disagreement and remain respectful to one another. Arguing with respect gives you an 85 percent better chance of making it.

9. Get help if you need it. Don't hesitate to talk with a professional if you can't seem to make things work on your own. If you're worried about the cost, remember that therapy is a lot cheaper than divorce. There are numerous low-fee counselors available, but you may have to do a little research.

10. Work together. Making your relationship work is a team effort. Except in very rare cases, a failing relationship is never one person's fault. Take responsibility for your actions and for correcting what it is that's not working for you.

These tools have saved some very fragile relationships. If you want to keep yours, this is the time to pull out all the stops and try harder.