Mother’s Day is just around the corner. It’s a time for celebration, right? We get together to honor our mothers, or to be honored AS mothers. But, what about the moms out there that have lost a child? And what if that child was the only one they ever had born to them? Do they still feel like it’s a day for them to be honored? Or do they feel lost and in limbo, knowing that at least at one point in their life, they felt the honor due to them for simply being a mom?
So many feelings can come out of this, and it is all too easy to fall into the negative ones. For weeks, the day is marketed by companies such as Hallmark, signs appear everywhere telling you to not forget your mother, special brunches are offered at restaurants…the list goes on and on. Despite whatever the underlying intentions of the marketing schemes are, feeling the crushing blow of a cruel reminder of yet another holiday that you will have to spend without the person that you are still learning to live without can be unbearably evident.
So what’s a mom to do? Many people find developing new rituals to be helpful. If you do have other children, try to do all you can to focus on the day’s celebration with them. Even though Mother’s Day is meant to honor the mom, kids (and especially small children) tend to thrive on this day and the ways they can pay tribute to the woman who brought them into this world. Allow them that! And for those of us who may know a mom dealing with the loss of her child (and ESPECIALLY if that was her only child), continue to acknowledge and recognize her on this day.
People get so uncomfortable and often feel the need to “error on the side of caution” so as to not upset the person they care so much about. This, however, often leaves the mom simply feeling forgotten. A card, a phone call – even an email – wishing her a happy Mother’s Day can go farther than you could ever know. While she’s on her own path of redefining where she now “fits” on this day, you are helping her to know. She fits where every other mother fits – in the spotlight. She’s still a mom, and she still needs to know that she is viewed this way by everyone else.
That said, other moms may find it easier to crawl into a hole and wait for the day to pass. Although there will inevitably be “helpful” people offering their suggestions, it really comes down to what is right for the individual person. If this is your first Mother’s Day without your child, listen to what YOU feel is right for you! Don’t listen to me or anyone else who tell you what you SHOULD do. Other holidays will, without a doubt, be difficult (and maybe especially even more so the first year), but due to the intense focus put on you as a mom, this just may be the most difficult one to endure.
